crossing the zone

Do you know how it feels to be depressed? You know how it feels to be so sad to the point that you wanna cry even without a specific reason for doing such? When you just feel like crying and that’s it?

Jessica Zafra (she is a philosopher in her own absurd way) once wrote about getting depressed when one’s birthday is coming up. Her theory is that “when your birthday rolls around, you somehow relive the terror of being ripped out of the womb and thrown into an indifferent, inhospitable universe.” No I don’t relive that terror but somehow, I have that kind of depression when my birthday gets nearer. And the last time I had that gnawing feeling was a few days ago.

Last Monday was D-day. I filed for a birthday leave from work so I had all day for myself. I digressed from the usual dinner thing with my loved ones and thought of just having “the” dinner on weekend and have a simple dinner on d-day at home instead.

I woke up at 8am and had a filling longsilog breakfast prepared by my mother dear while texting friends who remembered what October 1 was for me. Took a bath after and prepared my things for school (yes, I spent 3 hours of my birthday in the library).

But before embarking on a journey to geekhood, I went to the parlor and had my hair cut. Thought this is the least I could do to pamper myself (wanted to go to the spa but I don’t have much time). Glad I liked the blown-dried results. Twas one of the few times I felt good the whole day because of my hair. Nice!

Since it was almost lunch time, I decided to buy Jamaican patties and muched while strolling. I spotted an exhibit of brass, steel and marble sculptures in the 5th floor of Megamall and thought that it was nice so I went inside the gallery. It was, in my eyes as a neophyte, indeed a good exhibit. I scrutinized most of the details and was amazed by the greatness of the artists. Imagine inanimate objects transformed into compounded small details and brought to life!

By 1230, I decided to go so I hopped in a bus going to fairview and onto a jeepney going to campus. I dropped by the chapel first and spent a few minutes of silence and solitude with God and nature. Aah how I missed such moments. Just staring at the hanged image of the Christ at the center of the chapel and breathing the damp fresh air of UP.

I was at the library from130 to 430 and spent the afternoon taking notes from my main reference which, unfortunately was a thesis so tough luck, cant photocopy even just 1 page of it.

After the session at the library, I decided it was time to go home so I went. My parents were already home so I prepared some pasta and salad while my mom fried some chicken wings. Didn’t get to finish what I was cooking because I had to go to the mall for some sisterly chores. It was ok nonetheless because I got a wristwatch as a gift in return. Yay!

Got home around 8 in the evening and found my brother and sister in-law already finishing dinner. After a short chat, it was bye bye time for them.

I only got to have dinner at around 9. It was a pig-out session.

Since it was my birthday, I rewarded myself with an early night.

Hay….boring. Where was the depression? Before the birthday. D-day was an ordinary day cloaked with lots of food and sessions of introspection.

on erap

Tomorrow, people will finally know the verdict on Erap’s plunder case. Erap confidently believes that based from surveys, people are behind him. Naniniwala ang tao na wala syang kasalanan. Some TV reports this morning featured some members of the opposition before who have jumped on the other side of the fence now. Tessie Aquino Oreta and Tito Sotto have shown what theyre really made up of. I don’t know what happened to Loren Legarda, never really looked up to her anyway. May paiyak iyak pa syang nalalaman. Senator Guingona is calling for the acquittal of Estrada saying that 6 years is enough for him to pay for his offenses. Others are looking at his age and his being kawawa.

Hay, what can I say. Malambot talaga ang puso ng Pilipino. Tsaka maikli ang memory. Paano pa magkakaroon ng hustisya sa bansang ito kung ganito lagi ang pananaw ng bawat isa? Patawarin ang nagkasala kasi nakakaawa. Patawarin ang nagnakaw kasi hindi lang naman sya ang nagnakaw. Lahat naman daw nagnanakaw. Normal lang daw sa mga opisyal ng gobyerno ang magnakaw. Pathetic! Eh di buwagin na lang ang DOJ. At ang mga abugado at kumukuha ng abugasya ay mag-nursing na lang!

But I really hope that tomorrow, Erap gets convicted. I don’t have any grand expectations that he’ll really suffer the way he should but I think that having a guilty verdict could at least gain the respect of the people on Sandiganbayan.

Anyway, i was rummaging through my 'baul ng kasaysayan' and i saw this piece i wrote for one of my Socio classes back in 2001. Thought its a good reminder for me and also for other people who would read this. Ganito pala ang pananaw ko 6 na taon na ang nakararaan. Its a long one though.

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Pagkatapos ng mga naging pagsama ko sa pagkilos noong nakaraang taon, masyado akong nasanay sa bakasyon. Kaya pagbalik ko sa unibersidad galing sa Christmas break, natambakan ako ng Gawain. Layunin ko na sanang asikasuhin muna ang pag-aaral ko. Kaya noong Enero 15, nang may isinagawa uling pagkilos ang mga estudyante, hindi ako sumama. Ito ay hindi dahil ayoko nang maghirap kundi dahil mas kailangan kong bigyan ng atensyon ang aking pag-aaral.

Tapos noong Enero 16 nga, nagpunta ako sa Film Center para sa Orapronobis at doon ko muling napagtanto pagkakita ko sa mga aktibista na hindi dapat ako mapagod sa ipinaglalaban ko. Akmang-akma ang pagpapalabas ng Orapronobis dahil ito ay isang pelikulang nagpapakita ng mga hindi madalas Makita ng mga tao lalo na kapag medyo “maayos” na ang politikal na sitwasyon sa lipunan.

Puno ang sinehan. Bago magsimula ang pagpapalabas ng pelikula, nagsalita muna ang ilang grupo ng mga aktibista upang paigtingin ang kampanya sa pagpapatalsik kay Erap. Kahit na natagalan pa ang pagsisimula ng palabas, nagging maganda naman ang pagtanggap ng mga manonood. Malakas ang hiyawan at palakpakan pagkatapos ng mga pananalita at sumasali ang mga manonood sa mha “chant”. Parang nakikita ko tuloy ang positibong pagtanggap ng mga estudyante sa mga hamon para sa pagkilos. Binibigyan nila ng daan ang mga pagmumulat sa kanilang kalagayan at sa pangangailangang maging mapagbantay pa sa mga sumusunod pang mangyayari.

Natapos ang palabas banding 9 ng gabi. May panawagan pa ang STAND UP para sa isang educational discussion ukol sa mga isyung kinakaharap ng sambayanan ng mga panahong iyon ngunit hindi na ako dumalo. Minabuti kong umuwi na lamang (pagkatapos kong makita si Ely Buendia na nasa pintuan ng FC). Umuwi akong walang kamalay-malay na magaganap na ang isang pangyayaring makapagbabago sa kasaysayan ng bayan ko at maaaring sa kinabukasan ko.

Nakarating ako sa bahay bago mag ika-10 ng gabi. Tulad ng nakasanayan ko na sa mga nakaraang gabi, matamang nanonood ng telebisyon si Ate. Nagdedebate na daw kung bubuksan ba ang pangalawang envelope na naglalaman umano ng mgamabibigat naebidensya na magpapatunay sa pagkakasala ni Erap, o hindi. Isinusulat nya ang mga argumento ng mga senador at kung sino ang mukhang boboto para o laban sa pagbubukas ng pangalawang envelope.

Pagkatapos nga ng debate at ng napagkasunduang nominal voting ay nagtanong pa si Sen. Legarda kung wala na bang paraan para huwag matuloy ang nominal voting at hayaan na lamang ang nakaupong hukom upang sya na lang ang magdesisyon. Nang sumagot si Justice Davide na wala ng ibang paraan sa pagbawi sa desisyong nominal voting maliban na lamang kung babawiin ni Sen. Tatad ang inihain nyang panukala. Naisip ko na mas mabuti na nga siguro kung itutuloy na lamang ang nominal voting at nang sa gayon at makikita ko kung sino ang mga senador na naglalayong maghanap ng katotohanan at hindi magpapairal ng kanilang personal na interes.

Itinuloy nga ang nominal voting. Pinipilit namin ni Ate na alamin kung sino ang bumoto ng yes at no ngunit hindi naming magawa dahil hindi naming marinig ang sagot ng iba. Ngunit sa tantya ko, parang mas madami akong narinig na bumoto ng yes kaya masaya na ako at positibo ang pag-aakalang mabubuksan ang envelope. Ngunit pagdating kay Sen. Pimentel, nanlumo ako. Nanlumo ako dahil mas madami ang bilang ng bumoto ng no at kahit na bumoto pa sya ng yes ay wala na itong epekto sa desisyon. Nang ipahayag nya ang kanyang pagbibitiw ay hindi ko alam kung ano ang eksaktong nararamdaman ko. Humahanga ako sa kanya dahik sa kanyang paninindigan. Nanghinayang at natakot ako dahil alam kong sa pagbibitiw nyang iyon ay mawawalan na ng kredibilidad ang korte para sa inaakala kong pagpapatuloy pa ng paglilitis. Iniisip ko kung paano tatanggapin ng mga tao ang desisyong ito. Nagalit ako at nawalan ng pag-asa sa mga nakikita kong uri ng nakakaraming tao mayroon ang senado. Iniisip ko ang siguradong pagkatalo ng mamamayan sa labang ito dahil kung paghahanap pa lamang ng katotohanan ay ganito na ang kanilang ugalo, paano pa kaya sa panahon ng pagbibigay ng desisyon sa kaso ng taong bayan laban kay Erap?

Naiyak ako ng niyakap ni Drilon si Pimentel. Pinanindigan ako ng balahibo nang magtayuan at magwalk-out ang mga private prosecutor at mga tao sa gallery. Nahiya ako nang makita kong sumasayaw si Tessie Aquino-Oreta at parang batang nang-aaway at nang-aasar sa mga tao at higit sa lahat, nagduda na baka si Erap ang kinakausap nina Coseteng, Honasan at Enrile sa telepono at ibinabalita ang nangyayari. At pagkatapos nga ng proceedings, nagkaroon ng press conference at ditto sinabi ni Cong. Arroyo na ang ikinatatakot nya ngayon ay ang pagpunta ng tao sa lansangan upang makamit ang katarungan. Sa tinuran niyang ito, dito ko ulit nadama ang pangangailangan para sa pagsasagawa ng pagkilos sa lansangan upang marining ng mga nagbibingi-bingihan ang boses ng sambayanan.

Kinabukasan, Enero 17, ay nagising ako ng maaga dahil hindi rin naman ako nakatulog ng maayos ng nakaraang gabi. Ipinakita sa TV na may mga tao na sa EDSA at nagulat ako na ang Mendiola, kilalang balwarte ng mga kilos protesta laban sa pamahalaan ay naookupahan na ng mga tagasuporta ni Erap. Gayunpaman, nakakatuwang isipin na ang mga tao ay gagalaw naman pala ng kusa oras na malaman nilang hindi sugurado ang mangyayari sa kanilangkinabukasan,

At dahil Miyerkules nga at walang pasok, hindi ko naisip na pumunta ng UP at makibalita sa mga gagawing aksyon ng mga organisasyon at ng buong unibersidad. Pumunta ako ng Philcoa upang makipagkita sa aking 2 kagrupo at isagawa an gaming planong pananaliksik. Natawa pa ako nang makita kong pareho silang nakaitim. Ang hindi ko alam, may kumakalat na palang mensahe sa telepono ukol sa pagsusuot ng itim bilang simbolo ng pagkamatay ng demokrasya at hustisya sa ating bansa.

Bandang 8:30 ng tumungo kami ng mga kagrupo ko sa NEDA upang mangalap ng datos para sa aming isinasagawang pananaliksik. At dahil nga ang NEDA ay nasa Ortigas Center, nadaanan naming ang EDSA Shrine. May mga tao na doon ngunit kaunti pa lamang. Sa tingin ko ay nakalalamang pa ang bilang ng mga pulis na nagbabantay sa lugar. Sa NEDA naman, pinag-uusapan din ng mga empleyado ang pangyayari kinagabihan. May mga empleyadong hindi ko alam kung seryoso sa kanilang sinasabing pagpunta sa Mendiola habang ang iba naman ay nagsabing magtutungo sa EDSA. Bandang ika 12 na ng tanghali nang umalis kami sa NEDA at planong kumain muna at pag-usapan an gaming gagawin kinahapunan. Nauna kasi ditto ay may nakatakda kaming kakapanayamin sa Makati na magbibigay sa amin ng pagpapaliwanang ukol sa mga konsepto at magpapaliwanang sa mga kalakaran na makakatulong sa aming pananaliksik. Ngunit pagsakay naming sa taxi, narinig naming sa radio na pinakikinggan ng driver na muli na naming nagwalk-out ang mga traders sa PSE kaya nahikayat kaming pumunta agad ng EDSA pagkatapos naming kumain. At ang kagandahan nito, nalaman naming ang taong amin palang kakapanayamin ay papunta din pala ng EDSA.

Pagdating namin sa EDSA Shrine ng bandang ika-1 ng hapon ay marami ng tao sa lugar at may isinasagawa ng misa. Kapansin-pansin na karamihan sa mga taong nandito ngayon ay naka-uniporme at hindi masyadong nakikita ang mga aktibista na madalas kong makita sa Mendiola. Marami in akong nakitang nagtitinda ng pins, stickers, t-shirts, etc sa mga sidewalk at ito ay dinadagsa ng mga tao.

Nakita ko dito ang papel ng mga simbolo. Ang pangangailangan ng mga tao na ipakita ang kani-kanilang pakikiisa sa pamamagitan ng pisikal na pakikiisa at paggamit ng mga simbolong nagpapahayag ng kanilang layunin. Nanatili kami sa lugar at nakita naming ang pagdating ng mga tao,

Pagkagat ng dilim ay nagtanghal sina Jon Santos at Tessie Tomas upang pasayahin naman ang mga tao at pawiin ang pagod ng mga ito. Ginamit nila sa pagpapatawa ang panggagaya sa ibang mga senador na bumoto ng no lalo na si Miriam.

Bandang ika-9 na ng gabi nang umalis kami sa lugar na sya namang pagdating dito ni Bong Revilla. Matindi ang pagpapakita ng negatibong pagtanggap sa kanya sa pamamagitan ng mga sigaw ngunit hindi namin naobserbahan ang mga sumunod na pangyayari. Habang naglalakad kami ng isa kong kagrupo papunta sa MRT Ortigas Station ay marami din naman ang naglalakad papunta sa Shrine. Nakakatuwang isipin na ang mga taong ito ay gusto ring makiisa sa paghubog ng kasaysayan at kinabukasan ng bansa.

Enero 19, pangalawang araw ng malakihang pagtitipon sa EDSA ay pumasok pa ako. May klase pa ako sa dalawa kong klaseng pang-umaga kahit marami sa mga classroom ay wala ng laman. Pagkatapos ng klase ko ng 11 ay dumiretso na ako sa Admin kung saan nagtipon ang mga estudyante, kaguruan at kawani ng unibersidad. Pinakamahalaga kong nakita sa pagtitipong ito ay ang matagal nang hinihintay ng mga estudyantena pahayag ni Pang. Nemenzo ukol sa isyu. Dito ko nakita ang kapangyarihan ng estudyante, na kailangan lang talaga naming magsalira at ipaglaban ang aming karapatan at tiyak na makakatanggap kami ng suporta mula sa administrasyon. At pagkatapos nga ng maikling programa sa Admin at matapos awitin ang UP Naming Mahal ay tumulak na ang sangkaUPihan papuntang EDSA Shrine.

At sinimulan nga ang mahaba, nakakapagod ngunit masayang lakaran. Masigla ang mga tao, malakas ang sigawan at kita naman ang positibong reaksyon paglabas ng kampus sa pagbusina ng mga sasakyan. Pagdating naman sa East Avenue kung saan maraming matatagpuang mga opisina ng gobyerno, ang sigaw naman ay patungkol sa mga empleyado at pag-udyok sa mga itong sumama na sa pagkilos. Sa mga nadadaanan naman naming sa kalsada, maraming kumakaway at marami ring sumasama. Kahit na nakakapagod ang maglakad-takbo, mukha namang hindi nabawasan an gaming bilang nang makarating kami sa Shrine. Isa ngang paraan kapag medyo napapagod na ako at gusto ko ng sumuko at magMRT ay ang pagtingin sa likuran ko. Isang tingin pa lang sa dami ng mga kasama ay naiibsan na ang pagod ko. Pagdating sa Shrine ay damang dama ko ang aking pagiging isang Iskolar ng Bayan. Nandito ako, nakiisa sa laban ng mamamayan habang isinisigaw ang Unibersidad ng Pilipinas na parang nasa UAAP. Ang sarap sumigaw! Ang gaan ng pakiramdam lalo na at alam kong kaisa ako sa laban ng mga mamamayang nagpapaaral sa akin.

Mga ika-4 na siguro ng hapon nang mananghalian kami ng mga kasama ko sa kalapit na Galleria. Kitang-kita sa dami ng tao ang kawalang talo ng kapitalismo kahit na sa mga ganitong pagkakataon. Halos karamihan ng tao sa loob ay mukhang galing sa rally at sumaglit lang sandali upang katulad namin ay magkalaman din ang tyan. Ang iba ay mukhang nagpunta doon para sa tawag ng kalikasan habang ang iba ay upang magpahinga at magpalamig.

Pagbalik namin sa Shrine mga bandang 5:30 ay napakarami na ng tao at mahirap nang pumagitna. Kapansin-pansin na karamihan sa mga kasama sa pagkilos na ito ay mga estudyante. Halos karamihan ay mga mukhang mayaman. Nakakatuwa ding pagmasdan ang mga taong walang kyemeng sumisigaw ng “bading” at “pok pok” kahit katabi pa ang mga madre at pari. Nakakaliberate din ang pakiramdam habang nakikiisa ako sa pasigaw na nagmumura kahit na mismong ang mga taong simbahan ang nasa paligid. Lumulutang ang pagpapahalaga ng mga tao sa nagkakaisang layuning at isinasantabi muna ang mga personal na kagustuhan at paniniwala na maaaring makahadlang sa kolektibong kagustuhan.

Madilim na ng magpahayag ang Philippine Collegian na hinihingi sa mga estudyante ng UP na iboykot ang mga klase hanggang hindi pa bumababa si Erap. Bilang isang kabataan, syempre natuwa ako sa balita dahil nangangahulugan ito ng pagbitaw muna sa mga gawaing pampaaralan. Ngunit bilang isang estudyante at mamamayan, iniisip ko din kung ano ang mangyayari? Kahit na sabihing pasado ako sa lahat ng aking asignatura, hindi ko yata gusto na wala naman akong masyadong “matututunan” mula sa mga ito. Nakakabahalang isipin na mabubuhay ako ngayon at ang buong sambayanan nang walang kasiguruhan kung ano ang dapat na asahan para sa kinabukasan. Paano kung hindi sya bumaba? Ibig bang sabihin hindi ko na mararanasang maging isang estudyante ulit? Ngunit ang pinakamahalangang naidulot ng pahayag na ito ng Kulê ay naitanong ko sa sarili ko kung hanggang saan ang kaya kong ibigay para sa bayan ko. Ang pagsali ko sa mga pagkilos ay hindi simpleng “pakikiisa” lamang kundi pagpapakita ng isang mas mabigat na ipinaglalaban.

Bandang ika-10 na nang gabi nang magpasya kaming umuwi ng mga kasama ko. Dahil sa dami ng tao, kung gaano kahirap ang makipagsiksikan upang makapasok, ganoon din kahirap ang pakikipagsiksikan upang makalabas. Nakakahilong pagmasdan ang dami ng tao. Pag-uwi ko sa bahay ay saka ko naramdaman ang pagod sa buong maghapon. Bilib na bilib nga ako sa sarili ko dahil nagawa kong lakarin ang 15 kilometrong distansya mula UP hanggang EDSA Shrine.

Kinabukasan, Enero 19 ay iba na talaga ang simoy ng hangin sa UP. Marami ng nakadikit na poster ng Philippine Collegian, wala ng laman ang mga classroom, at halos lahat ng tao ay nasa AS lobby na. Iniisip ko tuloy kung ganito din kaya ang nagging kalagayan ng UP noong panahon ng FQS kung walang kaguluhang naganap? Halatang handa na ang mga estudyante sa hindi pagpasok sa unibersidad at paglulunsad ng edukasyon sa lansangan. Pati ang isa kong propesor ay handa na ring hindi magsagawa ng klase sa classroom dahil hinihingi ng pagkakataon.

Masayang isipin na marami pa ring sumama sa pagkilos kahit na nasubukan na ang pagod na nadama kahapon. Ngunit halata din namang pagod na ang mga tao dahil hindi na masyadong sumisigaw ang mga ito habang naglalakad. At ako at ang kasama ko ay nagpaplanong magMRT dahil sa pag-iisip na hindi ko na kakayanin pang maglakad ulit ng 15 kilometro. Ngunit dahil na rin sa nakikitang pagiging masigasig ng mga kapwa ko tigaUP, minabuti na lang naming sumama sa paglalakad dahil nahihiya kami sa sarili namin. Makikita ang bigat ng ipinaglalaban ng buong komunidad dahil kahit pagod na ay handa pa ring magsakripisyo at maglakad muli mula UP hanggang EDSA Shrine kahit pwede namang sumakay.

Pagdating namin sa Shrine ay sobrang dami na ng tao. Hindi na kaya pang sumiksik ng komunidad ng UP sa ibaba kaya nahati ito. Ang iba ay umakyat sa flyover habang ang iba ay nakipagsiksikan pa rin sa ibaba. Pagdating sa lugar ay agad kaming tumungo ng mga kasama ko sa Galleria upang kumain ng tanghalian.

Pagkatapos kumain ay bumalik kami sa Shrine. Gusto sana naming pumunta sa gitna sa tapat ng entablado ngunit hindi kami makasiksik kaya minabuti na lang naming umakyat ng flyover at doon na lamang manood. Habang nasa itaas kami, bukod sa panonood, tumutulong din kami sa pagsaboy ng confetti at pagbabato ng pagkain sa mga nasa ibaba. Kahit hindi naming kilala yung pinagkukunan namin ng confetti at pagkain, patuloy pa rin kami sa pagtulong sa mga ito. Sa kahit na maliit na bagay lang kung tutuusin ang ginawa naming ito, nadama ko rin dito ang pagkakaisa at pakikiisa ng mga tao. Nawalan na ng konsepto ng “ako”, ng “grupo ko” at ang mga ito ay napalitan na ng tayo.

Hindi ko sigurado kung bandang 5 ba or 6 nang dumating sina Orly Mercado, Angie Reyes at iba pang mga pinuno ng Sandatahang Lakas ng Pilipinas. Noong una ay cynical ako sa ginawang ito ng AFP pero naisip ko rin na baka matapos na ito. Sabi ko nga sa kasama ko, baka magkaroon na ng klase sa Lunes pero sabi naman nya ay hindi pwede at kailangan pa raw ng coup d’etat. Napapabalita na rin ang planong pagpunta sa Mendiola ng mga tao upang mas mapadali daw ang pagbaba ni Erap.

Umuwi kami ng maaga ng kasama ko, mga bandang 8 pa lang. Plano naming huwag munang pumunta sa Sabado at Linggo upang maihanda namin an gaming mga sarili para sa pagpapatuloy ng pagkilos sa Lunes. Handa na rin kaming pumunta sa Mendiola kapag nagkataon kahit na takot na takot kami at baka magkagulo. Pagkababa naming sa flyover sa bandang EDSA, walang northbound na bus. Ang kasama ko ay tiga-Pasig lang kaya malapit lang ang kanyang lalakarin ngunit ako na tiga-Cubao ay kailangan uling maglakad ng malayo para makauwi. Gayunpaman, kahit nag-iisa ako ay hindi naman ako natakot dahil maraming taong naglalakad sa EDSA. Gusto ko ng maiyak sa pagod pero pag iniisip ko ang dahilan ng pagsasakripisyo ko at ng marami sa atin, nabubuhayan muli ako ng loob.

Pagdating ko sabahay, nagpahinga lang ako sandali at pagkatapos kumain ay agad na tumutok sa telebisyon. Pero dahil na rin siguro sa pagod, nakatulugan ko na ang panonood. Nagising ako bandang 3 ng madaling araw at mayroon na nga raw nagaganap na negosasyon sa pagitan ng grupo ni GMA at ni Erap. Bandang ika-6 ng umaga nang ipakita sa TV ang mga grupong papunta sa Mendiola. Nainggit ako at inisip ko na sana nandoon din ako dahil ito na ang pinaka-climax ng pagkilos. Ilang oras lang pagkaalis ng mga grupong nagpunta sa Mendiola ay muli na namang nagbalik sa dati ang bulang ng taong nasa EDSA. Ito ay dahil na rin sa panawagan ni Cardinal Sin na magpunta sa EDSA ang mga tao upang maging saksi sa gagawing panunumpa ni GMA bilang Pangulo. Bandang alas-12 na siguro nang tanghali nang maagaw ng mga grupong galing sa EDSA ang Mendiola mula sa mga pro-Erap. Mabuti naman at walang malaking kaguluhang nangyari maliban sa isang nabugbog dahil sa panggugulo umano nito.

Ganap nang 2:20 ng hapon nang ipakita sa TV ang paalis sa Malacanang na si Erap kasama ang kanyang pamilya at mga malalapit nakaibigan. Tawang tawa ako sa itsura ni JV na humahagulgol na parang bata. Napansin ko din ang tila maaliwalas na mukha ni Loi habang sina Jackie at Jinggoy naman ay hindi mapigilan ang pag-iyak. Halatang-halata naman sa mukha ni Erap ang bigat ng kanyang dinadala. Kung titingnan sa kabuuan, mukhang nakakaawa nga naman ang buong pamilya. Ngunit para sa akin, hindi sila karapat-dapat na kaawaan lalo na si Erap dahil sa kanyang ginawa sa sambayanang Pilipino. Nakakainis at nakakagalit pa nga silang panoorin habang pauwi sa kanilang bahay sa Polk Street dahil kung tutuusin hindi na sila dapat pinapauwi kundi diretso nang inihahatid sa kulungan.

Natuwa ako sa nangyari dahil hindi naman nasayang ang pagod, pawis at gutom na naranasan ko sa aking pakikiisa sa pagkilos ng buong sambayanan. Ngunit para sa akin, ang People Power II na maituturing ay hindi lang ang naganap noon Jan 16-20. Ito lang ang nagging sukdulan ng pagkilos dahil dito nanggaling ang pinakamalakas na pressure para sa pagpapababa kay Erap.

Matagal nang nananawagan ng pagbabago ang sambayanan kaya hindi ko maihiwalay ang mga isinagawang pagkilos bago pa ng Jan 16-20 sa aking depinisyon ng People Power. Malaki ang nagging papel ng mga naunang pagkilos dahil naglahad ang mga ito ng batayan para sa pagpapatalsik kay Erap. Mga batayang hindi lamang nakabatay sa mga isiniwalat ni Singson at ng pangalawang envelope kung hindi mga konkretong batayan na ipinapakita ng mga taong nagpunta dito. Mga magsasakang humihingi ng tunay na reporma sa lupa, mga estudyanteng nananawagan para sa pagbibigay ng pangunahing halaga sa edukasyon, mga manggagawang humihingi ng tamang pasahod, at iba pa.

Sana nga lamang ay hindi masayang an gating ipinaglaban at huwag kakalimutan ni GMA ang sambayanang Pilipino na nagluklok sa kanya. Kahit na napalitan ang atin pangulo, nananatili pa rin ang problema ng sambayanang Pilipino. Ito ay nagpapatunay lamang na hindi pa tapos an gating ipinaglalaban kundi simula lamang ng isang mas mabigat na laban. Napatunayan na natin ang kapangyarihan mayron ang mga mamamayan at ang pagbabago na maaari nitong maidulot. Huwag sana natin itong kalimutang gamitin muli kapag hinihingi ng pagkakataon. Higit sa lahat, kailangan din nating malaman ang ating magagawa upang mabago ang umiiral na sistema sa lipunan.

senti mode

I feel so down these days. Blame it on hormonal changes. Or maybe on seasonal changes. Or maybe its that thing you call birthday blues.

Just this afternoon, I got overly sensitive and got pissed off with one of my friends. Maybe on ordinary days, I would have taken those jokes lightly but today, I felt like he was bullying me and I got hurt. I tried to ward off the pagkapikon but I failed. Maybe because he’d hit where it hurts most.

Despite his apology, and my acceptance of it, my mood didn’t improve. I was even on the verge of crying when we were talking (err…winpoping) about it. Hope getting enough sleep tonight could help. Anyway in the past, it always did.

random notes

1) while i was on my way out of the mrt station early this evening, a girl collapsed. while her 2 companions were dragging her to a chair, curious bystanders were already closing in, taking a look. i went to the ticket counter and told the attendant to send their medical or first aid team and she told me that their first aid people were on the other counter. what the ****! so my voice went 1 notch higher and fortunately, the attendant got back to her senses and sent the guard with the first aid kit. didnt know what happened after that.

2) im trying to make my written report for 204. as expected, ive only done 4 sentences. di bale, pinapalakpakan naman yung video ko =). my classmates might have sensed the sleepless nights that i've spent for that simple video. we might have really impressed yuzon because he was generous with compliments after our report. even told us to present it to congress. naks! syempre joke time lang yun.

3) sezy dezy's buying a laptop. huwat? necessity? sige na nga

4) ate's curious about my last entry. haha jusko, basahin ang paunang salita. that was written 2 years ago.

5) im loving my new phone and the simple joys that it brings. radyo sa opisina at boses ni yoda.

6) yey! maayos na ulit ang tv namin. im now updated with whats happening around me. the newest season of beauty and the geek is starting. jovito salonga is resigning from rhosig (if rhosig is found liable in the death of chris mendez). malapit nang matapos ang deal or no deal. the father of dindin palma went to nbi to formally ask for their help in investigating the case.

7) mag-isa ako umuuwi ngayon. my constant pauwi-mates are in plc.

8) why did we ever push for that exit interview program? we're now officially flooded with interviews. hay....good thing good looking people are resigning every now and then =)

9) high school is really fun. no matter which school you went to. the experiences are almost the same.

10) christmas is getting near. im excited to see christmas lights and hear christmas songs once again. hmmm...ano kaya magandang panregalo?

11) hindi ko na nakikita si beatles crush :(

12) on a serious note, chris mendez was such a huge loss. i just finished watching "probe" and one segment featured his death. more than the things that marvic leonen was saying, i was more concerned with his mother and his brother. probe interviewed his brother and he was recounting the pain seeing chris' swollen arms and bruised body. i could feel his mother's grief. the weeping during the funeral was really hearthwrenching. sayang. another soul lost from such senseless death. another shattered dream. sayang. kahit mukhang suntok sa buwan, sana man lang magkaroon ng hustisya sa pagkamatay nya.

its that time of the year again

its the start of the christmas season once again! merry christmas!

two years ago...

this is exactly how i feel. :p now, i could only smile at the thought

"I am a masochist. I hunger for pain. I inflict pain in my heart hoping that this could either heal me or at least numb me.

After more than a year of being apart, I have not totally healed. Im still hurting. I know that we could not be together and if given the chance that I will be forced to choose to be with him or not, I think I will choose not being with him. But why am I still hurting.

Iam hurting because i have not totally let go. I am hurting because I am still bitter. I am hurting because there was no closure. I am hurting because we ended up in a standstill. I am hurting because everything seemed so vague and it ended up abruptly. I am hurting because I misread him. I am hurting because there were no apologies. I am hurting because there were no explanations. I am hurting because he seems to be happy with her while I m here all by myself. I am hurting because I thought that he cares for me and would be sensitive of my feelings but it seems like he is not. But more than anything, I am hurting because I was wrong about him. "

all is well

its over. finally, im done. i just finished reading book 7. fine! i wont write anything about the story so as not to spoil the excitement of those who are still reading it.

yeah, its a good book. harry's saga had a good ending. but the epilogue was too good that it bordered to 'cornballism'

reading the last book was really quite an experience. its not for the frailhearted. ok, i might be exaggerating but, hey thats how it was for me. i was into tears after reading just a few chapters. the 'escape' to the burrow was really a page-turner, and so was every part of their journey. i think that the start of the battle at hogwarts was a bit funny though. well...

finally, its over. all is well.

harry potter fans, no more book launching to look forward to. no more anticipation. gone were the days when we would ask about reservations at national or powerbooks or fully booked. we all have the complete set now, nesting in our bookshelves waiting to be summoned again. accio, book 1!

------------------------

its also over. after 5 long years, my phone, together with my sim, finally gave up. just like my hypothesis about harry and voldemort, the 2 tried to outlast each other. but here, both gave up. so im back to my pre-cellphone days. i dont know when would i buy a new one but im sure not in the next few days. it actually feels quite good not to have a phone =) no distractions

despedida

huuyy, picture daw. tingnan nyo, si pinky tsaka si mau lang nakatingin.

o ayan, may energy na sina dangs at nanie. kaya lang etong kamay ni mau, panira.

o eto na talaga

eto ang despedida ni pinkee aka blue aka mara *wink wink* evil grin*

hulaan nyo kung anong paboritong kulay nya.

see you around pinks!

may dahilan kung bakit ko pinost to....

kasi nakita ko ulit si beatles crush ko! haha

grabe hirap talaga pag windang sa buhay. makapag-aral na nga =)

sabado sa cubao

we had our surprise party for dez last saturday and im glad the gang was complete. we had dinner at bellini's where olie took nice shots and coffee at gj where he took more nice shots. we had our usual 'presentation of gifts' and laughed our hearts out at the special gift from the 3. artistic abilities were put to test with the scrapbook making contest which, of course, lala aced. we stayed there until the crew told us that they were about to close.

after a looooong prodding, lala finally agreed to take us to pasig where we drank and talked till morning. peer pressure worked for kim that time so we had free breakfast at jollibee. but it was only 530 in the morning and breakfast wont be served until 6. nice! so we waited again and after some time, we finally had breakfast.

it was a nice way to spend the weekend. after about a year or 2, we were again complete. and we had nice photos to remind us about the fun that night =)

tinedyer

may crush ako ngayon. noong lunes, nakasabay ko sya sa fx at magkatabi kami sa likod. kaya lang, ginawa nya akong tigapaypay. hmpf! kakainis kasi si mamang drayber, hindi inaayos ang sasakyan kaya ayan tuloy, ang hina ng aircon sa likod. magmula yata cubao hanggang makati, hindi ako tumigil sa kakapaypag.

anyway, mabalik tayo kay crush. hindi sya gwapo. hindi ka magsesecond look dahil sa mukha nya kundi dahil sa get-up nya. laging naka-jeans at naka-rubber shoes. hindi sneakers ha, yung rubber shoes na mukhang pangbadminton. tapos madalas na naka-batik na shirt at naka-backpack. tapos naka-earphones. ironically, ayoko kay jake cuenca pero narealize ko kamukha pala nya. argh!

una ko syang napansin nung makatabi ko sya sa sasakyan. pagkatapos yun noon ng UAAP championship between ateneo at ust. may hawak kasi syang inquirer na nakabandera sa sports section ang pagkapanalo ng ust. sabi ko sa isip ko, uy nagbabasa sya ng dyaryo. medyo maayos ang suot nya noon, jeans at shirt na may collar. tapos napansin ko ang buhok nya, buhok beatles. sabi ko, hmmm kakaiba. kasi sa pila, ang mga lalaki, nakaMakati get-up: plantsadong pantalon, plantsadong long sleeves at makintab na leather shoes. eh syempre ako, i have an eye for people who dare to be different.

tapos ayon, lagi ko syang nakakasabay sa pila pag medyo late na ako. pero lately, maaga na ako pumapasok kaya hindi ko na sya nakikita. kaya natuwa ako noong lunes. hindi ko nga napansin na nasa likod ko pala sya. nakita ko na lang sya noong pasakay na ako at sya ang kasunod ko. hay, kilig! gusto ko tuloy kumanta ng...

love, love, love
there's nothing you cant do that cant be done
nothing you cant sing that cant be sung
nothing that you cant say but you cant learn how to play the game
its easy........

all you need is love
all you need is love

minsan...

aalis na si blue. magreresign na din si green guru. si henyo gustong lumipat. si kulot naman, nasa puso talaga ang paglipad. si kanang-kamay, naiisip na din ang pag-alis. sa tingin ko, pati sina prinsesa at pintasera din. sabi ni dory, nalulungkot siya kasi paunti-unti nang lumiliit ang kulto. ako man nalulungkot.

naaalala ko ang mga panahng pinag-uusapan lang namin sa hapag-kainan ng j5 ang pag-alis. at bago pa man namin mamalayan,isa-isa na naming tinahak ang landas upang harapin ang mga panibagong hamon ng aming kanya-kanyang buhay.

sabi ko nga kay dory, ganoon siguro talaga paglipas ng panahon. hindi maiiwasan ang pagbabago na minsan ang kaakibat ay pagsasarili ng mga magkakaibigan.

kasabay ng paglawak ng ating mundo ang pagbuo ng mga bagong samahang magiging bagong kaagapay sa pagtahak sa buhay. at ang magiging batayan nga ng magandang samahan ay ang kakayahang mapanatili ang ugnayan. totoo nga, ang mahalaga ay hindi ang patutunguhan kundi ang mga karanasan at ang mga kaibigang nakasama sa paglalakbay.



ngunit ngayon, kay bilis maglaho ng kahapon
sanay's huwag kalimutan ang ating mga pinagsamahan
at kung sakaling gipitin ay laging iisipin
na minsan tayo ay naging
tunay na magkaibigan
---minsan, eraserheads

si che

nagsimula ang lahat sa yahoogroups ng klase namin.

meron akong isang kaklase, humihingi ng syllabus sa prof namin. at ang pangalan nya, che guevara. hi klasmeyt!

una kong naisip. astig ah! rebolusyonaryo ba ang mga magulang nito at since guevarra ang apelyido nila, ginawa na nilang che ang first name ng anak nila or is it just pure coincidence?

anyway, inacknowledge syempre ng prof ko ang pagkarebolusyonaryo ng pangalan nya and he said he's happy to have a revolutionary in the class and was asking which among che's ideas he likes most?

unfortunately, hindi nya kilala si che =(

so may isang myembro ng grupo (mula sa dating klase ni sir) who was kind enough to share some info about che. at syempre what can i share, eh di pop info hehe ang pelikula ni gael garcia bernal na motorcycle diaries. :p

at ngayon lang, sabi ni klasmeyt, mukhang magpapalit na sya ng email kasi kinikilabutan na sya kapag naririnig na nya ang pangalang che guevarra.

klasmeyt wag! pero panindigan mo paggamit mo sa pangalan nya haha (just kidding)

============

grabe kapitalismo no? igigisa ka sa sarili mong mantika. naforesee kaya nina mao at che na gagamitin ang mga mukha at imahe nila hindi sa paraang gusto nila kundi sa paraang gusto ng mga nilalabanan nila? inakala kaya nilang makikilala ng mga ordinaryong kabataan ngayon ang mga imaheng ito bilang mga mukha lamang sa tshirt?
hay....



(ang mga imaheng ito ay mula sa internet)

writer's block

hindi ako makapagsulat ng maayos lately. bat kaya?
ok fine, makapal lang talaga ang mukha ko. feeling ko writer ako and im having that writer's block. yeah right, as if naman ang galing kong magsulat before eh, no?

pero dati naman nakakapagsulat ako ng [feeling ko] maayos ah. tapos dati kahit ordinaryong pangyayari lang sa buhay ko, nakukwento ko ng maayos. hanggang sa pinakamaliit na detalye ha. natutunan ko to sa 199.1 eh. thick description baga. kaya na-appreciate ko ang ginawa namin sa paper namin kay aquino. ikwento mo ba naman ang mga pangyayari sa edsa dos. at hindi lang basta kwento ha, dapat mailarawan mo din kung anong nafifeel mo sa oras na yun, kumusta ang environment, ano nangyayari sa paligid habang nakikipag-usap ka sa kaibigan mo, at marami pang iba. eh ilang araw yun di ba? so ayun, kaya kung magkwento ako [noon], hay maiimagine mo kung ano talaga nangyayari. pero ngayon, huhu...

ay, isang hypotheses ko nga pala. pumupurol na ang memory ko. di ba sabi nga nila pag hindi mo laging ginagamit ang utak mo, pumupurol ito? feeling ko nangyayari sa akin ngayon ang epekto nito.

argh, feeling ko nadevelop ko to sa dati kong trabaho (gosh, blamestorming, thanks vhang hehe). pero feeling ko talaga kasi pag naiiinis ako dati sa mga taong tanong ng tanong, ang sagot ko hindi ko alam. kung may kausap akong hindi ko gusto, i would pretend na hindi ko alam ang itatanong nya. magaling akong magtanga-tangahan. eh syempre di ba, to cut the inquiry and the conversation, eh di magkunwari ka na lang na hindi mo alam. hanggang yun nasanay na ako sa kaka-"hindi ko alam", madalas tinatamad na ako mag-isip kaya eto tuloy, wala na ako maisip. hay...bad karma. haha

hopefully, tumalas ulit ang aking memory at utak in general sa aking pagbabalik-eskwela. i welcome all those cerebrally-stimulating activities. go, pasulatin nyo ako, paisipin nyo ako ng malalim, tanungin nyo ko ng mga bagay na pag-iisipan ko talaga. yung tipong hindi ka makakatulog pag hindi mo maisip ang sagot. or yung 1 linggo mong pag-iisipan kung papaniwalaan mo ba sya o hindi. invoke the spirits! ay mali, ano na sinasabi ko.

eh paano na yan, ngayon pa lang disillusioned na ako sa solair. hay pero sabi ko nga, 2 saturdays pa lang ako pumapasok. let's see...

a different kind of break

I’ve been attending classes for 2 weeks now and I could say that it’s a refreshing way of spending my Saturdays. The first Saturday was nice, despite the heat due to a sudden current interruption. Expectations were set and Im excited with writing papers again. But the second Saturday was disappointing, from classmates who ask non-related questions just for the sake of reciting to lecture notes that look like they were just ripped from the internet, Im starting to think that my undergraduate classes were more profound. Im hoping that in the next few Saturdays, the lectures and class discussions would turn out...better.

===================

me and my friends from work went to the beach last sunday to have our huling hirit sa tag-ulan aka SOAP girls annual outing (ako pinakabagong myembro) aka ina's pre-birthday celebration aka pakikipamista sa san juan.

it was a welcome treat from the piling stress at work. everything went fine except for the hellish traffic flow and the dizzying traffic instructions from people in san juan (tama ba?).

and aside from swimming, what do you usually do when you go to the beach?
.......pig out and take a lot of pictures!!!!!


the unbearable lightness of being





this is the layp!

online quiz

its time for those online quizzes once again =)

one of my friends from work was asking me if i believe in dreams because she was having repeated dreams about something and she's afraid that it might one day happen. i said that in my case, my dreams are most of the time the opposite of what happens so im not really the type who would allow dreams to affect my life. but i think that dreams are interesting so i took a dream test to find out what my dreams mean. and according to the 41-item questionnaire:




You're a Mastery!


The Dream Interpretation Test

Brought to you by Tickle
You're dreaming about maximizing opportunities and achieving well-deserved success. This means that in some area of your waking life, you are adequately prepared and things are working out just the way you want.

uy talaga? feeling ko hindi masyado

world wide web

i got this from ala paredes. google-ing one's name =)
and no, its not about narcissism, its more of plain curiosity. its just a matter of wanting to know if i exist in the world wide web.

and so i typed in, lxxx xxxx pxxxxxxx. result: 2 hits haha sige na nga. courtesy of j5 days pa yan ha.

fast forward to 2007. sa kabilang bahagi ng mundo, may tao din palang gumagawa nito.

he types in: pasaraba. his motivation? he wants to connect to his relatives in the far east.

you see, our surname is a unique one. kokonti lang ang may ganitong apelyido sa buong mundo. kaya kung sinuman ang lumabas sa net na kaapelyido ko, malamang iisa ang pinanggalingan namin.

thats why my family was really thrilled when we got a mail from my cousin whom ive never seen since birth. the family moved to the states when they were still kids. the parents come home once in a while but they (the kids) never had the chance to come back and visit.

eerr..there was one time pala when he almost met my older siblings. his ship docked in subic but too bad, they didnt get the schedule right. so sorry na lang.

i worked in the armed forces for 3 years. yearly, we participate in bilateral wargaming exercises with US troops. pero sorry pa rin, hindi kami nagkita.

buti na lang may friendster, na sa tingin ko ay parang NSO sa lawak ng database. lahat yata ng tao may record dito.

anyway, im really happy for the gift of the internet and friendster. brings long lost relatives together.

syet celeb!

before, it was theater
now, its blogging

haha my sister is making waves. she was featured blogger of the week in inquirer. wala lang, not really a big deal but she is my sister so its a big deal for me haha

read more here

changes

Evolution is an imperfect and often violent process.
A battle between what exists and what is yet to become.
Amidst all these, morality loses its meaning
The question between what is good and evil becomes one simple choice, survive or perish

----- HEROES

-------------------------

wala lang. feel ko lang baguhin template ko. Nawala tuloy ang mga links ko =(

boredom

boring din pala pag walang ginagawa. =)

this is my realization after having 2 whole days of well...idle time.
i used to love these moments. but now, man, its tiring! nakakapagod matulog! nakakabore kumain ng kumain! nakakabobo manood ng tv maghapon! (syempre pagkatapos bumoto)nababato na ako!

----------------------

excited na ako sa pagdating ng martes. im looking forward to having my nose and ears bleed. at least, even for just a week, my dream of getting a feel of how it is to be an atenean will be realized. syet, ang babaw ko! haha hmmm....tingnan nga natin.

---------------------

yey! estudyante na ulit ako! im going back to up this june. this time, seryosohang pag-aaral na ito. sayang naman ang tuition pag bumagsak or nag-drop ako. oble, namiss kita! namiss ko ang kasimplehan ng buhay up. namiss ko ang kayabangan ng mga tao dun. pero ang pinaka-namiss ko, ang pag-iisip ng mga taong nangangarap baguhin ang mundo.

after the exam, of course, i prayed that id be accepted. sayang naman ang 300 kung hindi ako pumasa no. at syempre, nakakahiya din haha

i was asking myself why i would still want to go back to up. bakit ko gugustuhing bumalik sa unibersidad na may bulok na facilities? pwede naman akong maglasalle lalo na at P100 lang naman ang pagitan ng tuition per unit. pwede din naman akong mag-ateneo kung magtitipid lang ako. (thinks: pwede din kaya akong mag-aral abroad?)

aside from the yabang reasons, i realized that what i like most about up is the kind of thinking it instills in its students. kaya ang rason ko kung bakit gusto kong bumalik sa up? gusto kong magrecharge! gusto kong ibalik ang idealism na unti unti nang nawawala sa akin! sure this may not help me climb the corporate ladder fast but this is the thing that will drive me to do better. so sana, marecharge ako =)

sabado

1130 ng umaga.

nakaupo ako loob ng cubicle. nakatingin sa pc. kakatapos naming pag-usapan ang plano kung paano isasakatuparan ang pagrerevise sa isang manual. nagawa ko na din ang report ko. hmm...ano pa ba kaylangan kong gawin?

makapagbasa nga muna ng news.
http://www.inquirer.net. ay boring ang news.

ah, magbabasa na lang ako ng matinong article!
http://www.haringliwanag.pansitan.net

opening site....

smartfilter.
the site you requested is blocked.
please contact your system administrator for site review.

HUWAT! putik, natunugan na ng ISD ang aking libangan! hay, pano na ang periodic dose of wisdom ko? huhuhu

Kainis! Blocked na sa ofis ang blog ni jim paredes. sad face...

maligayang araw ng paggawa

alas-tres na ng madaling araw pero gising na gising pa rin ako. bakit hindi? walang pasok bukas dahil araw ng pagdiriwang ng mga manggagawa sa buong mundo.

pagkatapos ng 4 na taon ng pagtatrabaho, ano ang dapat kong ipagdiwang?

-----------

dahil ipit ang lunes sa dalawang araw na walang pasok, halos walang tao kanina sa opisina. tahimik! masaya haha minsan lang kasi maging tahimik sa opisina. madalas maingay! ewan ko ba, ang lalakas ng boses ng mga tao dun. malalaman mo kung ano ang pinag-uusapan nila ng nasa kabilang linya ng telepono. feeling mo tuloy nakikipakinig ka kahit hindi naman. tsismosa!

------------

ina and i were talking about mikaela fudolig's speech this afternoon. she responded to the forwarded email i sent to the group, with a note that reads: i guess the idea is not just for UP people but for every Filipino youth.

she said she had goosebumps while reading the speech. well, who wont? as usual, we had one of those (pa)profound discussions about idealism, adulthood and life. i dont know why but whenever we chat, we usually end up discussing about serious things in life.

told her that i loved the speech because its so young and so idealist. i remember that i once read an article written by a parent who has a kid who graduated from ateneo. she (or he, i couldnt remember if it was a father or a mother) noticed how the valedictory speech seemed like a rhetoric. she was a bit disappointed because she didnt see the youthful idealism that she expected to see from a person who is fresh from school and who is supposed to have fresh perspectives about the world. and she was asking, was an expensive atenean education worth it? i dont mean any offense because i know that there are a lot of idealist ateneans out there, who might be more idealist than me, but that article just came back to my mind while reading mikaela's speech. maybe if the mother could read mikaela's article now, she wont lose hope in the youth.

anyway, ina and i were talking about how idealism, in a way, gradually wears off during adulthood (at least in our experience). when youre fresh from college, you have these dreams about making a change, about holding on to the values you learned from college, about living a principled life, about defying the norm in the interest of truth, about serving your country, serving the people who sent you through school, about giving back to society. but as you work and live in a dynamic environment wherein people's minds are not as easy to understand and couldnt be explained by a single theory, you learn about a new concept, that of compromise. as you meddle with people who 'have been there', you learn that somehow, you need to reorient yourself in order to survive, that somehow, you have to sometimes 'relax' your personal rules a bit and you'll have new sets of principles. and as you immerse yourself longer, you slowly realize that the idealism is waning, that youre becoming more pragmatic. not that its a bad thing but sometimes, the guilt is there.

she was telling me that this kind of idealism is peculiar of up. that in la salle, people were more self-absorbed. that social consciousness is not a norm. i couldnt react because i dont have any friends from la salle aside from her and cams. and she said she also does not have friends from up aside from jen, dangs and me. and so we appreciate the interaction, the exchange of thoughts, the sharing of perspectives.

sometimes i feel shame for myself. nahihiya ako sa nakababatang sarili ko. i always dream about change and talk with my friends about making a change but it ends there. i always talk about wanting to volunteer for some NGO but that remains unrealized up to now. i dont have the bravery that mikaela is talking about. i cant defy the pressure to lead a comfortable life. im not making new roads. im not a trailblazer. im just a part of the mob, the majority who walks through the clean, cemented path built before me.

maybe its maslow's hierarchy of needs working here. maybe not. maybe using maslow is just a good justification of my actions but the truth is im on my way to failing my younger, idealist self from its dreams. i dont know. maybe. i hope not.

i really want to go back to school now.

kiddieland

second stop, ang destinasyon ng mga bata at mga pusong bata. ang lupain ng mga hayop na cute, prinsesa, prinsipe at kastilyo. yay!


mukha ba akong excited?


pati bintana ng tren, hugis tenga ng daga =)



goofing around..


mabuhay ang mga musikerong pilipino! manong, itayo ang bandila ng pilipinas! nakakatuwa palang marining ang "bahay kubo" habang tinutugtog sa bansang banyaga.



now, this is really freaky. how would you react if you hear merlin speaking in...uhm...cantonese?
its really weird man! pare, nakakabangag!


still goofing around =p

on hiatus

grabe, nasa ika-labingtatlong araw na ko ng bakasyon at nasasanay na ko sa buhay na walang ginagawa! parang hindi na ako marunong mag-isip, magsulat at magtrabaho! hahaha sarap ng buhay!

biruin mo, inabutan na ko ng lunes sa pagpupuyat pero eto at wala pa kong balak matulog dahil wala pa ring pasok bukas. yahoo!

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isang taon na pala akong wala sa afp. bilis talaga ng panahon. buti na lang at minsan hindi ako logical mag-isip dahil kung hindi, siguro andun pa rin ako. buti na lang napikon ako at naibigay agad ang ginawa kong resignation letter dahil kung hindi....naku babatukan ko na sarili ko haha
pero ok lang din. madami akong natutunan at nakilalang bagong mga kaibigan. syempre kaakibat ng kalungkutan ang mga kasiyahan sa buhay. salamat afp...

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sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon, nakapagbyahe kami ng mga magulang at 2 kong kapatid sa labas ng bansa (too bad for you kuy haha). and what do you get when you have a hyper mom, a hot-tempered father and 2 cool sisters? a fun (mis)adventure! here are some of the pictures:

eto sinasabi ko...(asan ako? photographer ang tawag sa akin)

uy grabe, nakangiti tatay ko. excited din haha

hindi ko rin alam kung bat may ipis eh. ay ndi pala sya ipis...

sa bibig ng pating

dikya ba ika mo? o eto..

opo mga kaibigan, lumabas ang karuwagan ko. duwag ako! sa tayog ng ferris wheel, sa sahig ako napaupo haha

tanawin mula sa cable car

lunes na naman

makalipas ang pitong buwan, muli na namang nabuo ang grupo namin nina sezy dezy at kimtot. kim had an interview somewhere in ayala so we decided to meet up for lunch. oh, i miss being with those two. sayang, kulang ang oras.

kim wants to quit her job. odezza wants to do the same. a year ago, i had the same thought.

kim has been doing the same job for more than 3 years. Odezza is doing the same thing for 10 months. I for 7 months.

kim says she wants to quit because ayaw na nya. odezza wants to quit because she doesnt want the commitment her job requires from her. i left my former job because i was so frustrated with so many things that time.

kim says she wants to quit even if she havent found a new job yet. odezza looked for a job first before she quit. i left my job with no assurance that i could find a replacement instantly.

i dont know why i am sharing this. it looks like an introduction of a more profound thought, right? but sorry to disappoint you, this entry is indeed pointless :p

i just wanted to write but i dont have the clarity of mind to even compose a nice entry. argh....

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its only monday but i feel like its the middle of the week already and its so weird that almost everyone at work felt the same. maybe we just had so much work today.

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life's little blessings. waking up in the morning. walang pila sa fx. light traffic. cool breeze. busy yet light atmosphere at work. having a good laugh. being with friends you rarely see. receiving your tax adjustment. reading an inspirational mail. upuan sa mrt. getting home safe. hay...life is good.

Home Alone on a Monday

For the nth time, im left alone in this tiny apartment. My sister is somewhere in Batangas for a retreat so i had to endure two nights of sleeping alone. Random thoughts run through my mind and here's a peek:

- Naiiinis ako sa bagong telenobela nina Kim and Gerald (or Gerard?) because it will (a) make me stay up late just to catch Maging Sino Ka Man or (b) make me loose my patience and go to bed right after ive had my dinner. I mean, tama na ang Deal or no Deal at Super Inggo na pampatay ng oras habang naghihintay kina Bea at John Lloyd. One hour of mediocrity is enough for me to have dinner and wash the dishes so having another 30 minutes of nonsense (not that Maging Sino ka man is full of sense :P) is just so....argh. Frustrating.

- I had a full day and i LOVE it! Namimiss ko na kasi ang mga madugong araw sa J5 kung saan puro rush ang trabaho. So having a super duper busy day after days of idleness is a welcome thing. Its actually a good way of starting the year.

- Little blessings in life. Nice sleep. Waking up in the morning. Buying a pair of shoes without knowing that it is on sale. Free sumptous snack because of a coworker celebrating her birthday. Being told that you look good. Catching a feel good movie. Light traffic on your way to work. Free chocolates. Mail from friends. Good music. Aaahh...life is good.

foto.larawan

mga larawang matagal naghintay ng pagkakataong maipakita sa blog na ito at ngayon ay nabigyan ng pagkakataon.

pagkakaibigang hindi nagtapos sa unibersidad at nagpatuloy sa trabaho.

pagkakaibigang nagkaroon ng bahagyang pagbabago.

tara na, byahe tayo....

aaahhh...kape tayo

Happy New Year!

A survey to start the year...

What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
Go out of the country!

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I cant remember them.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Ate Raquel

Did anyone close to you die?
No.

What countries did you visit?
Thailand! Ill never forget that place. Lots of interesting and shocking stuff.

What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
Direction. Hefty sum of money in my bank account (grin)

What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
A lot.

February 7, when my sister left for Saipan;

March 25 when I gave my resignation letter to my former boss and we had a short but emotional talk wherein I almost cried. Hay, im such a cry baby.

March 27, when I went back to my old school, shared the little things I know about learning in grade school and learning for life and seeing young hopeful faces actually listening to what I was saying and my teachers smiling.

June 1, first day of (new) work.

November 25 when my sister came home for vacation and I spoiled her moment because we were 2 hours late.

December 25 because its going to be the first, among the many Christmases that we will be having without my sister in the country. We’ve celebrated Christmas away from each other but its really different this year.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting out of my comfort zone.

What was your biggest failure?
Not keeping my promise to myself to start saving.

Did you suffer serious illness or injury?
Nope. Hopefully not in 2007 and 2008 and 2009 and so on.

What was the best thing you bought?
That P280 pants from Divisoria.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mommy and Mimi.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Not counting the politicians and the regents who voted for the tuition hike in UP? Ang mga lalaki sa buhay ko, ang tatay at kuya ko.

Where did most of your money go?
Food I guess…

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Gala’ out of the country!

What song(s) will always remind you of 2006?
In my life
Nobela

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder - happier
ii. Thinner or fatter - thinner
iii. Richer or poorer – poorer

What do you wish you'd done more?
Read books…and write.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Working.

How many one-night stands?
Nein. None. Wala.

What was your favorite TV program?
Amazing Race! Wanted to join that one.
Grey’s Anatomy.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope. I don’t want to hate people.

What was the best book you read in 2006?
Oh no, this is not right, I only read one book in 2006. And it is not even a real book! Pathetic. The answer is none.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
None.

What did you want and get?
A new job; changes from my monotonous life

What was your favorite film of this year?
Happy Feet!

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Oh I prepared Rigatoni with Bolognese sauce which came out looking funny but tasted good. JI turned 25.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Hmmm…boylet? (evilgrin)
A volunteer job.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Oh I lost my estudyante get up and made a lot of effort to look more corporate because of my new job. I still couldn’t get used to it L.

What kept you sane?
My sister.
Regular movie dates with my officemates..

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I got hooked on Chad Peralta but it is slowly wearing off.

What political issue stirred you the most?
Coup d’etat

Who did you miss?
Ate.
Sezy Dezy and Kimtot
J5 friends.

Who was the best new person you met?
Cant pick one. I met a lot of good people this year.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
Don’t wait to let things happen, make them happen. Live your life now.

What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself?
That Im a nice person.

The most touching experience you've had this year?
Got a big hug from my cousin’s son. He is 13 and he couldn’t walk by himself. He couldn’t talk and only communicates through grunts. Im not sure if he remembers other people’s faces. I think I only saw him thrice. He came during my uncle’s wake carried like a 4-year old kid. And when I came to kiss him, he hugged me real tight and I felt like that was one of the most sincere hugs I’ve ever got.

What did you like most about yourself this year?
I became more sociable.

What did you hate most about yourself this year?
I worry too much about being an adult instead of just living it lightly.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
You gotta be cool
You gotta be wise
You gotta be stronger!

Was 2006 a good year for you?
Yes but challenging.

What was your favorite moment of the year?
January 25.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?
February 7 and December 9. Hay, I hate goodbyes.

Where were you when 2006 began?
Nasa kalsada at nanonood ng mga nagpapaputok.

Who were you with?
Mommy, Daddy, Ate, Mimi and Manang Ateng

Where will you be when 2006 ends?
I don’t know. Let’s see where life will bring me.

Who will you be with when 2006 ends?
My family.

Do you have a new year’s resolution for 2007?
Yes.
Save more.
Go back to school.
Read more.
Give to charity.
Eat healthy.

What was your favorite month of 2006?
January.

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2006?
Nope.

Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Yes. My sister.

What was your favorite record from 2006?
Kami nAPO muna..

How many concerts did you see in 2006?
None, not even one of the UP fair concerts.

Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2006?
Barely. I only had small doses of alcohol in January, Mae’s birthday, and twice in December.

Do a lot of drugs in 2006?
Never although we wanted to try Marijuana haha

You do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Don’t think so.

How much money did you spend in 2006?
I don’t keep a record of my finances.

What was your proudest moment of 2006?
march 2006.

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2006?
Couldn’t remember. Wala yata.

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2006 and change something, what would it be?
December 29, 2006. Sana hindi na lang ako nagparelax. Putik, nasira buhok ko!

What are your plans for 2007?
Go back to school.

How are you different now that the year has ended?
I think I matured a lot and ironically, i realized that im childish in many ways.

What are your wishes for the new year?
That its gonna be a happy year and that changes do not come as often as they did in 2006. But if they still do, I wish that I still have the strength to face them without worrying too much.

FX Scene

Its 815 in the morning. Cubao-based Makati-bound people queue patiently for their oh-so-longed-for ride. When the FX entered the parking lot, the first 10 who were in line scrambled like ants welcoming the god-like manong driver who can save them from the misery of tardiness. They found their way in, and settled for the 30 to 45-minute ride to Makati. Some brought out their MP3s and marked their personal boundaries with their earpieces, others silently prayed with their rosaries, others plunged into the abyss of their own dreams, and others, like me, silently observed them. It’s an amusing scene indeed, watching these corporate beings, donned with powersuits, resisting the urge to drool and fall into deep slumber. They immitate the actions of stuffed toy dogs found in cars, constantly nodding while keeping their balance. Some get back to their senses with a sudden jolt caused by a hole on the road, others by the sound of their phones, while others just couldn’t be disturbed by anything.

And then I heard a song from the radio, and I had a duet with Peabo Bryson, but of course in silence. I was singing in my mind and looking blankly at the person in front of me, without any intention of infecting him with the melodious tone of the song. Suddenly, he woke up, raised his head, and sang in a gentle tone “we had a once in a lifetime, but I just couldn’t see, until it was gone… if ever you’re in my arms again, this time ill hold you much better, this time we’ll never end.” He looked at my direction, and in surprise, I looked away.

Sur(reality)

This is the second morning that I woke up with a weird feeling. Like everything is so unreal. I didn’t expect that something like this would happen. I never dreamt of talking about this with someone so close to me. So this is growing up?

I’ve cried about this. We’ve cried about this. We talked about this, yet, I still feel weird.

This is not the first time that I’ve dealt with this kind of story. But its different now because I’m so affected by it. I was not able to sleep the first time I heard it. I was thinking about it all night long, yet answers do not clearly come to my mind. I was trying to think straight knowing that this was the right thing to do. Yet, the understanding and acceptance also engulf me, and sometimes, overrides the rational mind I’ve been trying to empower.

Aaahh…life. Maybe I just have to deal with it. One part of me says I want to but the other says I don’t ...

Big Bang

Pagkatapos ng mahaba-habang paglalakbay…nope! After 100 years of solitary confinement in the recesses of my blog-less world, im back to say hi to this blog. Im sorry if I have abandoned you for the past nine months. Many things have changed since February. Yeah, you must be thinking that the more I should have written, but ironically, I could not write. I think im just too overwhelmed with various emotions that I find it too hard to conjure which words exactly define how I feel and what I think. Now I’m writing, not because I’m so ok but because I’m too shocked. Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating, or maybe I’m not.

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I can feel it now. The emotional stress is slowly seeping though my veins. This is what ive been waiting to happen. The feeling of becoming, the feeling of reality.

before sunrise

for those who fell in love with jesse and celine back in 94...

Daydream Illusion

Limousine eyelash
Oh baby with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look into those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweetcakes and milkshakes

Im a delusion angel
Im a fantasy parade
I want you to know what i think
I dont want you to guess anymore

You have no idea where i came from
No idea where we're going

Launched in life
Like branches in the river, flowing downstream
Getting caught in the current

I carry you
You carry me
Thats how it should be
Dont you know me
Dont you know me by now

ito ay bunga ng matiyagang pagtranscribe habang pinapanood ko ng pang-hindi-ko-na-mabilang na beses ang before sunrise. salamat sa aking fellow before sunrise addict na si dezas para sa mga corrections.

pasq 2005

pagkatapos ng mahaba-habang paghihintay ng masasakyang taksi, papuntang diliman, nakarating din kami nina dez, ava at vhang sa up upang makiisa sa buong sangkaupihan sa taunang pagdiriwang ng lantern parade.

kakaiba ang lantern parade ngayong taon. madaming booths sa buong acad oval. may booth ang bawat college kung san nandun yung lantern nila, meron ding booth para sa pagkain, at meron din namang mga tiangge. yun nga lang, masyadong malaki ang oval kaya nagmukhang kulang at magkakalayo ang mga booth, at nagmukhang konti ang up population para tumao sa mga booth.

ang saya ng parade kahit mejo masakit sa paa at sa batok dahil sa kakahanap ng magandang posisyon. favorite ko ang parol ng wind mula sa college of fine arts. yan yun, yung nasa lower right. pero mas masaya ang fireworks display! yun nga lang, masakit din sa batok tsaka mabaho pagkatapos.

at nung gabing yun, parang lahat positive. ang saya ng mood, ang ganda ng fireworks, ang ganda ng buwan at first time kong ma-appreciate ang carillion. (tama ba spelling?). para itong isang malaking pigurin na nag-eemit ng light. at ang buwan, ang ganda ng pagkakaposisyon sa gitna ng mga ulap. parang tagpo sa isang painting.

ang saya ng pasko...lalo na kung madami kang pulburang naamoy, pakiramdam mo ang saya ng mundo. sana araw araw pasko.

going down memory lane

agreeing to see ultraelectromagnetic jam was one of the best decisions ive made in my life. weeks before the concert, i was still hesitant to say yes because of some things at work but what the heck, i said yes ayway. and im glad i did.

im an eraserheads fan since i was in high school. when my classmates were going crazy over nick carter and the backstreet boys, i was drooling for ely buendia and the eraserheads. when they announced on NU that they were disbanding, i was one of those who got sad and really disappointed. when zach and joey were interviewing raymund and buddy, waaa gusto ko talagang umiyak!

im not an artist and i might not know music from its technical side but i say that the music of eraserheads is really good. eraserheads was one of the few local bands i have respect for because they proved that they were really musicians and not just a bunch of angry, repressed youths who just wanted to have some attention from the public or some band who think that shouting peace and producing eardrum-splitting sound would make them real rockers and artists. you could see the evolution of their music and the focus of their songs. their songs changed from mundane concerns of the youth (love interests, friendships, being "high" hehe, etc) into more mature and profound issues. its just too bad i think that many of the fans did not cope with the progression of their songs until they reached the point when many were already losing grasp of them and when people could not relate anymore with what they were saying (singing).

buti na lang, may ultraelectromagnetic jam! ngunit sayang, bawal ang camera. my friend's camera was confiscated so i did not take the risk to take pictures during the concert. i took this photo of the stage after the performance na.

the concert was good although some of the performers were not (evil grin). south border's version of my favorite 'with a smile' was too pop, even orange and lemons'.

i went wild with the crowd when i saw ely and the other guys in the monitor, talking about being eraserheads. you could see that the crowd still has that respect (or idolatry) when they gave marcus adoro that standing ovation when he played base for paolo santos. i thought they will have that sort of "rendezvous" and play one more time, together, for the crowd but, i was wrong. i hope they'd do that, at least before they die (hehe ugly).

anyhow, the entire experience was great, even if the ending came so sudden na parang bitin yung dating ng concert. it was nice to relive those glory days when eheads was still reigning over all the stations. mabuti na lang at nakasama ako sa isang henerasyong napasaya ng eraserheads. i really hope the four of them could play wonderful music once again.

a night of total magic and --- evat

i went to see harry potter last night! yeah, harry potter himself, not the movie (well, in my dreams). i was so excited that i even had this picture taken. i felt like a kid about to see her favorite cartoon movie. haha (please dont throw stones or popcorns at me).

everybody seemed to have a single destination that night. parang lahat ng tao sa gateway paakyat sa 4th floor. And the queue for the tickets was really long that night. its a good thing that we bought our tickets a week before. saved us the stress of having to wait for minutes just to get good seats.

i was so giddy that night. i was hoping that the movie would turn out great because there were some apprehensions at the back of my mind that it would just be...mediocre.

the movie was made for kinds and not really for the book aficionados. it really focused on the triwizard cup and neglected some of the details that may have had big impact on the overall story. it is a good movie i think for people who did not read the book but a bit short and incomplete for people who know the book. one major spoiler i think was the lack of a portion showing the quidditch finals between scotland (or ireland) and bulgaria, where scotland (or ireland) won but krum got the snitch. isa pa namn yun sa inaabangan ko.

nevertheless, natuwa namn ako sa movie. the great effects made up for the lapses. i love the festive mood during the quidditch world cup. kaya lang hindi pinakita yung ibang mascots, especially the veelas whom i wanted to see.

my other favorite scene in the film was the arrival of the durmstrang and beauxbaton students (although the description was a bit different from the book). and krum was so damn goodlooking! he was not supposed to look that way... and, he got to deliver 2 lines, one was when he talked to rita skeeter and the other was when he said goodbye to hermione, with the matching good bye wave. haha funny

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after the movie, we headed straight to the food court to have our dose of carbohydrates and fats. at aba, nakakagulat na ang presyo ng mga pagkain sa fastfood. side salad is still 20 bucks but chili rice already costs 25, plus 10% tax. at ang bacon mushroom melt ay 100 pesos na. grabe...

krismasi mood

i saw this small cute christmas landscape display in gateway last tuesday which gave me that bittersweet feeling about christmas. excited and happy with a bit of nostalgia...hay

idle moments

i feel sick. its only thursday and theres one day more before the week ends. i wanna sleep yet i cant. i need to stay awake for the next six hours. its just a good thing that i brought my sister's camera though.

creepy holiday

the news of deaths of people i know and "hardly know"has brought that sad and creepy feeling to me.

friday night. master ram died.
saturday. deza's lola died.
tuesday. tess' mom died.

but the death which brought me with an unfathomable abyss of sadness was dumbledore's death. waaaa....wala na si dumbledore. at isa pa, nakakalungkot naman ang love story nina harry at ginny. ang ikli lang ng panahong pinagsamagan nila. si harry kasi eh, gagaya gaya kay spiderman. haha

i cant wait for book 7!!!

eulogy for a master

i, together with some of the few people left here in the office, got the news just a few minutes ago. master ram is gone. and it made me sad.

i am not really fond of the old people here in the office. but master ramirez is different. he always has that smile plastered on his face. and that laugh, ang nakakahawang "tawa". he is the master of supplies. he is the master in that small kingdom just below the stairs, where all the office supplies come from. he is like an oil refinery, always ready with coupons for people who need gas.

master ram has a big heart. too bad he died from it. he is like a (grand) father to us. when things were going sour between EPs and researchers here, he understood us. he was mature enough to point out that respect is the primordial thing needed for our differences.

but what i remember most was this image of him, in his athletic shorts and sweaty shirt, panting while walking, because he could not cope with the pace of the regular joggers. its the image of an old man, trying to remain healthy.

its been three weeks (or more) when we received the news that he was at v. luna because of heart problems. we were planning to visit him there but then, we heard that he was already transferred here in the camp so we assumed that he was ok. but still, there were plans of visiting him, none of which pushed through.

and now he is gone. there is none to visit anymore. just his remains.

goodbye master!

i love friday nights (or do i?)

its friday night and its already 10:05 in my watch. and guess where i am....in the office? right! ive been working for 13 straight hours now and im slowly feeling the exhaustion engulfing my body.

but its ok. i havent done this in a long while. and besides, its the start of a long weekend tomorrow. yey! hmm...what'll i do?

get a massage? probably finish reading harry's 6th year in hogwarts? eat a lot of junk foods while watching reruns of simpsons (thanks avs for the info)? run to my brother's place in the mountains of antipolo and play with my nephew? update my blog? organize my photos? work on a budget for my christmas gifts? clean the house?

aaahh... i wanna do all of these. but for now, i need to get home and get some sleep.

sentimyento ng isang mananaliksik

paano mo mamamahalin ang isang institusyong pilit sumisira sa iyong hangaring makapaghatid ng mumunting pagbabago sa lipunan, o kahit man lang ng konting kaayusan. paano mo iinintidihin, na kahit na anumang pagpipilit ang iyong gawin, ay sadyang may mga taong walang hinangad kundi ang maisulong ang pansariling kapakanan. paano mo pipiliting tanggapin sa iyong sarili, na unti-unti ay nalalamon ka na ng kaisipang "sadyang may mga bagay na mananatili na lamang na ganon..."
ngayon, iisipin mo, sana hindi mo na lamang naiiintidihan ang mga bagay-bagay upang sa gayon ay hindi mo ito problemahin o sana isa ka na lang sa mga taong walang pakialam upang sa gayon ay hindi ka mahirapan. sana....

kapag umuulan at tinatamad ka

picture this...byernes ng hapon. maginaw dahil umuulan sa labas. wala ang boss mo. walang tao sa opisina maliban sa iyo at sa dalawang kasamahan. walang nakaatas na trabaho sa yo. ndi mo alam kung paano mo uubusin ang oras mo. nahihilo ka na sa maya't mayang pagtingin sa orasan. dalawa at kalahating oras pa bago mag alas singko. offline ang mga kaibigan mo sa ym. ayaw mong magbasa ng artikulo sa peyups dahil senti mode ka. anong gagawin mo? di ba parang masarap ang pakiramdam na tumitipa ka sa keyboard ng iyong computer? at bubuksan mo ang iyong blog para magpost? masaya di ba? kaya yan ang gagawin ko ngayon. itatransfer ko ang mga dati kong entries na nakapost sa isa kong blog na balak ko nang idelete pagkatapos. nice...