here comes the sun

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it's all right

ive been flooded with this song for these past few days. last week, i watched "bee movie" and i liked it. i liked the story, the colors and the song, which happened to be this one.
and last wednesday, or was that tuesday, i was watching american idol (which i dont normally watch) and they were doing beatles. brook did this song, with her matching yellow flowy dress.

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it's all right

i was such a mess last week. it started from the long weekend that i had doing nothing. im no longer familiar with long periods of idleness despite my initial excitement over it. i thought i was gonna enjoy having long hours of sleep, watching dvds all day and munching in between but i was wrong. ok, i enjoyed it the first 2 days but the succeeding days were just so boooring that i was longing for it to be over. so i was happy when sunday came. but my sister and i had some sort of dedma moments. argh, ano ba. monday was ok. tuesday: boredom about the monotony of life naman ang drama ko. wednesday, the boredom was still there buti na lang dangs had this magnificent idea about us trying out for _____. thursday was better. and friday....

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it's all right

today is friday. this morning, i had to take my old route going to work because i had to go to makati. i was quite excited about it because i was hopping that im gonna see beatles guy. and i did! yihii...so high school

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

i was smiling sheepishly while walking towards the terminal. i was in my bright yellow top, black slacks and shiny green doll shoes. but when i got there, the usual queue of people waiting for fx was not there. instead, there were a few fxs waiting for passengers. i walked towards the white one who's first in line, checking out if the front seat was still empty. and then i saw him! biglang naging malinaw ang mata ko haha too bad, someone was already seated beside him. but i know he recognized me. he glanced backward when i hopped in the car. and he glanced twice which just made my day =) i swear i was grinning during the entire ride.

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it's all right It's all right

i noticed that he is sporting a shorter hair now.

hunk-a-doodle-doo

we have this photowall at work which features pictures taken by whoever is interested in kodakan. it was my boss' brain child devised to track our progress in the field of kodakan. our co-workers were supposed to vote for the photo that they like most without knowing who's photo was it. but being the 'insecure' newbies that we are who hate competition, prinsesa and i thought that it would be better to just have a gallery instead. no voting. no anything. just a plain gallery for people to look at. and anyone can join regardless of the camera they own. even pictures taken from phones with cameras are accepted.

and our first theme is .....HUNK! a photo of whoever (or whatever) we think epitomizes HUNKness. grabe, ang tagal magsubmit ng mga tao! (me included) i couldnt see anyone who embodies my ideals of what a hunk is. wala akong makitang lalaki na mahaba ang buhok, nakasalamin, nakasandal sa puno sa may sunken, may hawak na libro sa isang kamay at yosi sa kabila (the yosi is just for the artsy farsty nerd look but in reality ayoko ng amoy yosi), tapos nakatingin sa kawalan. tipong pinag-iisipan yung nabasang linya sa libro. hindi ko din nakita ang hunks nung minsang magbadminton kami malapit sa abs. nakita ko si ewan mcgreggor dahil pinanood ko ulit ang moulin rouge but that wont count. i dont have a us visa so i cant go and see ethan hawke and johnny depp. hindi ko alam kung san ang gig ng bamboo sa ndi ko makunan si ira cruz. i was about to go to london for prince william but then again, i woke up from my dream and saw gael garcia bernal so i took my camera, but i woke up again, and this time its real haha. i was about to give up, almost tempted to post oblation's picture in the gallery pero buti na lang nakita ko to.



not my ideal hunk pero pwede na. saw him in manila cathedral, taking pictures. when i first saw him, i said to myself, what a wonderful wor....err mali. hehe sabi ko sa sarili ko, pwede na. but then again, he and his companion might have noticed that i was secretly taking their pictures (kaya blurred) kaya medyo naconscious ako. at na-shy. so i stopped playing paparazzi. but the yearning to take a good picture of him was still there. and it was so strong. so i did the unthinkable. i asked for permission. and took his photo (with his friend). haha (medyo makapal mukha ko pag hindi ko talaga crush). at first he was hiding his camera so i told him, in a nice way, "no, what i really want is to take a picture of you with your camera". feeling nya ha. so that's the story behind this blurred picture.

this morning, more photos were added to the gallery. aside from henyo's brandon boyd picture (yes she managed to sneak her slr inside araneta), there was also jen's disneyland picture with gabby eigenmann, and dory's picture of tito jun. so far, yun pa lang. hope more people will post their pictures in the next few days.

bisita iglesia

habang nag-aalmusal kanina, nagkayayaan kami ng kapatid ko at ng housemate namin na magbisita iglesia. plinano naming puntahan ang mga simbahan sa manila dahil bukod sa magkakalapit ang mga ito, maganda pa silang kunan ng litrato.
una kaming nagpunta sa simbahan ng san miguel sa malacanang. bago makarating dito, isa palang mahabang lakaran ang kailangan mong pagdaanan mula st. jude. mabuti na lang at marami ding taong naglalakad kaya hindi ramdam ang pagod. at buti na lang at maraming puno sa loob ng malacanang kaya hindi ganon katindi ang epekto ng sikat ng araw. nakakainis nga lang at ang mga guwardiya sa malacanang ay masyado yatang praning at ayaw pakunan ng litrato ang mga gusali doon. hello, kung alam nyo lang. may dala akong bomba haha
pero nakakatuwa, may nakita akong pangalan ng isang kainan sa loob, STEAK OF THE NATION ang pangalan. hmm...dito ba kumakain ang mga buwaya sa gobyerno kaya feeling nila steak ang kaban ng nation?
pangalawa naming pinuntahan ang st jude. dahil masyado kaming napagod sa paglalakad papuntang san miguel, minabuti naming sumakay sa mga modified tricycle patungong st jude. pero bago yan, eto muna ang nangyari
kapatid ko: manong, magkano hanggang st jude?
drayber: 5o maam
kami: ha?
drayber: singkwenta po, kayong tatlo na dun
kami: mahal! (sabay alis)
drayber: (pasigaw habang naglalakad kami) 40 na lang maam
kami: tuloy pa rin sa paglalakad
drayber: (pasigaw ulit) 30 na lang maam, 30 na lang
kami: (about face!)
natutuwa talaga ako sa simbahan ng st jude. napakaaliwalas. madaming openings, maliit lang, tsaka ang lapit mo sa altar. at higit sa lahat, madaming tindang pagkain sa labas. :P mahal nga lang pero sige pa rin. lafang!
pangatlo sa listahan ang san beda. sa kisame naman ng simbahan ako natutuwa. natutuwa ako sa mga paintings na nandito. para kang nasa sistine chapel. parang gusto mong magdasal ng nakatingala na lang kesa nakayuko. at syempre, paglabas mo, madami pa ring nagtitinda ng kung anu-ano. kakanin, mangga, ubas na 70/kilo (weird ang presyo), panali sa buhok, prayer book, pamaypay, at kung anu-ano pa. nakakatuwa talaga mga simbahan sa pilipinas, parang palengke sa labas.
pang-apat sa destinasyon ay ang san sebastian. dito ako pinakanahirapan sa pagkuha ng litrato. ang dilim sa loob, pero ang silver na retablo ay napakatingkad. basta, wala akong magandang kuha nito.
sa ikalimang simbahang pinuntahan namin, lumipat na kami ng quiapo. at bago kami nakarating dito, napadaan muna kami sa bilihan ng debede at napabili ng mga sumusunod: across the universe, alvin and the chipmunks, love in the time of cholera, atonement, martian child, etc. gusto ko pa sanang bumili ng there will be blood, august rush at no country for old men pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko dahil nagtitipid ako sa mga panahong ito.
isa pang medyo hindi ko kinakaya sa quiapo ay ang underpass. may nadaanan kaming 2 mag-ina, yung 1 nasa bungad, yung 1 nasa kabilang hagdan, na parehong dala dala yung mga anak nilang maysakit. halos hindi mo matingnan dahil sa awa at disbelief. biruin mo, nakahiga sa hagdan, mga batang siguro ay teen-ager na (bakas sa mukha) pero dahil sa sakit at sobrang kapayatan (kasintaba lang yata ng wrist ko ang legs nila) ay mukhang 6 0 7 years old sa liit. grabe, parang nakakaguilty na ewan. biruin mo, palakad lakad ka lang, gumagastos sa kung anu anong bagay samantalang ang mga taong ito ay walang perang pambili ng gamot para sa mga anak nilang sobrang seryoso ng sakit. iisipin mo tuloy, wala ka bang kwentang tao dahil inuuna mo pa ang mga mabababaw na bagay at luho mo kesa tumulong sa kapwa mo? hay...
anyway, wala namang bago sa quiapo. madami pa ring tao. pero mas madami ngayon ang naglalakad ng paluhod. at syempre sa labas, andun pa rin ang mga nagtitinda ng kung anu-anong halamang gamot.
pagkatapos nun, intramuros here we come! dumiretso kami sa manila cathedral. dito, medyo nailang ako sa pagkuha ng litrato. pano kasi sa may altar, may imahe ni hesukristo na may pasang krus tapos may dugo dugo pa ang katawan. para tuloy akong wala man lang paggalang dahil ang mga bagay na ito ay dapat dinadasalan at hindi kinukunan ng picture. parang medyo offensive din pag nakikita mo ang mga turista na kung magpakuha ng picture sa loob ng simbahan ay para lang nasa isang tourist spot at hindi sa isang bahay panalanginan. pero ganun kasi talaga tingin nila eh, lalo na kung hindi sila katoliko. naisip ko, ganito din siguro nararamdaman ng mga buddhist monks kapag kinukunan sila at ang mga templo nila ng mga turistang walang pakialam kahit kasalukuyang nagdadasal ang mga mongha. at dito, may nakita akong 1 lalaki na may mahabang lens, syempre natuwa ako. nagpapaka paparazzi ako pero hindi ko sya makunan ng maayos habang kumukuha sya ng picture. kaya naglakas loob ako at tinanong kung ok lang na kunan sya ng picture. may kasama pala. hehe 2 tuloy silang nakunan ko ng picture.
panghuli sa pinuntahan namin ang san agustin. yung ibang tao, pati sa libingan ni miguel lopez de legaspi, nagdadasal. at nagsasign of the cross sila pag nakikita nila yung rebulto. naku, akala nila santo din sya. hehe gusto ko tuloy lagyan ng karatula, HE IS NEITHER A SAINT NOR ONE OF THE MEMBERS OF THE HOLY TRINITY NOR ONE OF THE APOSTLES/DISCIPLES OF CHRIST. SYA AY ISANG KASTILANG MANANAKOP LAMANG.
anyway, the whole experience was fun. although its tiring to say the rosary in every church that you go to, hindi naman sya ganon kabigat. the cross of going through 7 churches, reciting the rosary and the station of the cross is nothing compared to HIS cross. tsaka hello, may food trip, sightseeing at foto trip naman on the side. para tuloy akong nandaya kasi hindi ako masyadong nahirapan. tsaka i didnt do it solely for the atonement of my sins. andun pa rin yung pleasure, yung indulgence. hmmm...

ilang tulog na lang

just a few more days and the sem is over. wohoo!
i havent touched my camera in days (except for today) because of demands from school (translation:papers and exams here and there). and thats too bad for somebody who's in the first stage of learning the art of kodakan hehe. but just 1 more paper and 1 more exam, and its over! happiness.
my last shoot was my nephew's graduation. junior nursery graduation.
hirap kunan ng mga bata! they keep on moving and running around the place. so the end result, a lot of blurred and dark shots. sadness.
still managed to capture some moments though.

beautiful life

i went to ateneo's trendwatcher series earlier where the book "leading philippine organizations in a changing world" was launched. i think this is the 4th time that ive been in a book launch. my first was domingo landicho's erap book, the second was that walden bello's book (i forgot the name) and the third was randy david's nation, self and citizenship (which is a collection of his "public lives" articles).

masaya talaga mag-attend ng mga ateneo-hosted activities. parang nagiging mahinahon ako. its like having a force which tells you to smile, relax, modulate your voice, talk softly, talk in english (nosebleed), take a positive look at things because life is so good! they have this way of talking which makes even the worst situations look ahmm...ok. their voice has a calming effect on me. parang bawal ang debate sa floor. hindi ako sanay! haha im used to professors who cant stop swearing even if theyre in class. i can still vividly recall kung gaano kalutong ang mga mura ni gerry lanuza. o ang mga "f*cking americans" ni walden bello. im used to listening to professors who get so emotional when talking about the country's affairs, professors who make you feel like you want to join the neps after listening to them, professors who talk so passionately that you could feel the pain and frustrations as if they were yours. si randy david lang yata ang mahinahon magsalita. yes, most of the things that you could hear from them are the imperfections of the world but those are the very same things that inspire you the most.

i was telling my boss about my observations and she was telling me that its how they really are. she was also noting how they use words. so neat. she was also telling me this parents meeting she went to. and in that meeting, they were talking about an average teenager's concerns. it was shared that an average high school atenean's concerns dont coincide with that of the average filipino high school student. if an average filipino thinks about studying well in order to help his family in the future, an average atenean would think of how to get to the next year level. and the parents were talking daw how they realize that their children are so sheltered.

i dont have any close friend from ateneo so i dont know how they really are but the few ateneans that i know of are really nice. and yeah, they talk softly.

panik

kaylangan ko na magpanik! 5 araw na lang, kaylangan ng ipasa ang paper. pero hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa alam ang focus ko. how's that? this is the most delinquent state ive been in my student life.

sa wakas

tulad ng unang album ng sugarfree, sa wakas.
sa wakas nakita ko na sya. nahawakan.nadama.nakalikot.nasubukan.
sa wakas narinig ko ang tunog nyang handog. ka-tsak.
sa wakas nagagamit ko na sya.
sa wakas.

anticipation

tomorrow is a special day. im gonna see my, well, how should i call it...latest splurge? kagabi pa lang napanaginipan ko na sya. actually, up to this very moment, i still dont know what prinsesa bought me. si C o si N?

dont you remember you told me you love me baby

sorry if youre expecting a mushy read but the title has nothing to do with this entry. im just tired of the random notes title so i decided to place the song which is playing on my mind instead. people here at home were watching juno earlier, that song was in the movie, and it stuck on my mind.

============

im enjoying labor-management relations. we were discussing negotiations and collective bargaining in class for 2 sessions now and its just fun and refreshing to know its dynamics. this afternoon, we had 2 exercises in class, 1 was the oil price setting, the other was still on jessie.

the oil price setting was the very same exercise my professor did when he attended the kennedy school of government in harvard. it mainly involves 2 developing countries which supply oil to a third country. to help determine a good price for each of the 2 countries, a matrix was provided (there were only 3 options for the prices) showing how much would each of the 2 countries earn if it would sell its oil for a specific amount.

we were divided into 2 main groups, each group represents one country. each country was further divided into 3 main oil players. i was 1 of the oil playes in country b. so the exercise went like this, we were to set oil prices monthly, without knowing how much would our counterpart would sell theirs. t he objective of the exercise is to earn as much as you can for your company but make sure that you dont put your competitor out of business.

if both would sell their oil for $10, both would get a $5 profit each. if they sell at $20, they would get $8 each. if they sell at $30, they would get $11 each which is the highest profit possible, because $30 was the price ceiling set. if you sell lower than your counterpart, you'll earn at your counterpart's cost.

it was fun. negotiating blindly. hoping that your counterpart would get your message. both of us started with $10 which was fine, then we went to $20 which was better. then from there, our individual interests surfaced. we were both suspicious of each other so we didnt go for the $30 price. the pricing went crazy. i was dropping hints that i wanted both of us to earn big so i was setting my price at $30 but she keeps on setting hers at $10 so i kept on losing and she on winning. in the end, my self vision that ill never be a good businessperson was strengthened. i lost haha i only earned $52 against my counterpart's $79.

and what did my professor said? it showed our potential opportunistic behaviors haha and that behavior is something that we have to throw into the rubbish bin if we want to become negotiators.

the 2nd exercise was on jessie. its actually from an earlier assignment. its about this teacher, jessie, who teaches physics in a catholic school who suddenly changed his religion. but before that, he knows that he needs to keep his catholic religion as a precondition for continuous employment. so when he changed his religion, the school had to terminate him.

this time, dez and i were to represent jessie. and we had to negotiate with the school authorities to keep jessie's religion and his job. and what's our best agreement? keep jessie's religion and job but he has to follow the school's regulations when it comes to religious practices. he has to keep his opinions neutral and must not prophesize to his students. nice...

============

i was telling dez earlier that im realizing that i actually like conflict. but let me clarify that. i dont like conflict per se, what i like is what happens before and after the conflict, how people manage to handle conflict. you may ask, but conflict dont really end, right? which makes it more interesting =) still not making sense? basta...
blame it on marx and his conflict theory. or maybe blame it on my radical professors from cssp. or maybe blame it on me for romanticizing the idea of conflicting interests.

===========

every saturday, i go on abstinence. i abstain from eating lunch because i dont have the time to eat. see, i have work till 12 nn and i have class at 1pm. and i use the 12nn -1pm period for travel. so having a decent lunch is really a challenge for me, in which, i have been consistently failing. so earlier this night, dez and i went on a food trip. we decided to treat ourselves to a feast! a P244 eat-all-you-can buffet at kamay kainan in trinoma. god, its soo good to eat. and what did i have? let me enumerate them for you.

plain rice.nilagang baka.a lot of kare kare.papaitan.sinigang na hipon.crispy pata.sinigang na isda.ginataang kuhol.sisig.arroz ala cubana.lumpiang shanghai.manggang hilaw.lechon kawali.pipino salad.grilled oyster.tempura.pusit.liempo.kaldereta.friend hipon.
and since i still have sore throat, i couldnt have ice cream and so much sweets so i only settled for buko pandan.

after that, a big BURP....

ang edsa, bow!

in emile durkheim's elementary forms of the religious life, he mentioned about the importance of religious rites and symbols. these rites are regularly done to reaffirm collective morals and beliefs in the minds of all members of society. This is important because people, if left to their own for a long amount of time, the beliefs and convictions of individuals will weaken in strength, and require reinforcement.

this makes me think, if there's one good thing brought about by our crazy political situation now, its the fact that people remember edsa 1. imagine 2 or 3 years earlier, when everything was relatively peaceful, no one gives a damn about edsa. aside from the usual flag raising ceremony done by government officials and the activitists' commemoration of edsa 1 through protest actions for a current issue at that moment, edsa 1 anniversary would just be an ordinary day. walang pasok kaya ang mga tao nasa bakasyon.

but look at the edsa anniversary now. yes, there are a lot of people who are still oblivious to what has happened 22 years ago and are still clueless as to why the people power monument was erected near white plains (or was that corinthians), but at least now, there are more people who either went out of their comfortable homes or cut short their out of town trips just to be with other people who are calling for a change in the present government. at least there are more people who are realizing the power that lies in their hands and are willing to take accountability/responsibility in the future of this country.

i was watching mornings in anc earlier and the hosts were talking about their personal experiences in edsa 1. 2 of the hosts didnt really have personal participation in the event since they were too young to participate. tj manotoc on the other hand was so young and was in the states during that time but remembers his mother being very active in all the anti-marcos rallies due to very personal reasons. it was just ricky carandang who was physically in edsa.

back in edsa 1, i was 4 so obviously, i was oblivious to what was happening in our country. but in edsa 2, i braved the long walk from the university avenue to ortigas because i felt that thats what i have to do at that time. i remember that going there was caused by a mixture of a sense of idealism and adventure. but the feeling of uncertainty about the future was also there. imagine walking out of class for 2 days just to be in edsa and learning from the university's bulletin boards that you could continue doing that until erap resigns. what if he didnt step down? what would have happened?

i guess feelings of uncertainty are always there to test our character once in a while. there are always situations when youre put on a crossroad and while you may dread being in that situation at that particular moment, sticking to our principles and values would always lead us to the right direction. if we would allow ourselves to be on the safe side, to be hindered by our cowardice, nothing will happen. if people were frightened of the tanks in edsa 1 or if us, the youth, were frightened by the uncertain future facing us in 2001, we might still have erap in the office. and while im not very happy with what his successor is doing in malacanang now, im still glad that i was one of those who forced him to step down. now, we as a nation are still faced with another crossroad. and im hoping that soon, i could muster enough courage to make a choice and stand for it.

a mighty heart

i dont cry in movies as much as i used to. but a mighty heart proved that i dont have a strong heart when it comes to movies with a lot of heart. (hindi naman hearts day ngayon)

the movie focused on marianne pearl's struggle when her husband was kidnapped in pakistan where both of them were doing interviews after 9/11. both were journalists.

the movie itself was not excellent. but i was just so moved by how marianne handled the situation. upon learning that her husband was beheaded by his kidnappers, of course she got mad. but during her interview with cnn, her courage was admirable. despite her grief about her husband's loss, she was still objective about the situation. no remorse against the pakistani people because like her, they also lost their loved ones to terrorists. and terrorists are not exclusive to pakistan. wherever there are poor, there would be potential recruits.

most of the time, emotion clouds our judgment. its perfectly understandble. but people who are able to think rightfully despite their personal struggles are just admirable.

still on juno

diablo cody just won the oscars for best original screenplay. ellen page didnt get the best actress trophy.

last night, i saw this korean movie (jenny and juno) which was so similar with juno. also saw the screenwriter's blog and was supposed to ask if juno was based on this korean movie. too bad, her comment section was only limited to team members. tsk tsk

how cheesy can one get

i went to see juno with two of my classmates last saturday and it was great. didnt really had an interest on this movie until i read one of its reviews in inquirer. im glad curiosity didnt kill the cat (ok, stop rolling your eyes now)

the plot is actually simple. its about this teenage girl who got pregnant. at first, she thought of having it aborted but eventually opted to continue the pregnancy and just give the baby for adoption. but with the nicely written and well thought of script, the refreshing humor, the interesting characters and the great soundtrack, the movie was an awesome watch.

its not one of those movies about teenage girls getting pregnant who would want their boyfriends to marry them once they get to know their condition, or cry buckets of tears when their boyfriends wouldnt want to marry them, or who would get physical, verbal and emotional beatings from berserk parents when told about their kid's pregnancy and that her boyfriend wouldnt want to marry her.

juno experienced neither of those. well, for one, the guy who got her pregnant is not her boyfriend but her best friend Bleeker (although they eventually became boyfriend-girlfriend at the end of the film). two, she's no ordinary teenager. at least in the most ordinary sense of the word. she's a tomboy, likes grungy music, a smartass and has an interesting family - a dad who's a former military man but whose real purpose in life is to fix airconditioners, stepmom who works as a 'nail technician' and is obsessed with dogs but cant have one since juno's allergic to them, and a half sister who didnt deliver a even a single line.

one of my favorite scenes was the talk with the parents. it was really interesting watching their reaction. they were so damn casual! it was as if they were just talking about somebody else's condition and not their kid. no shouting-match, no hysterical mom, no violent dad, no tears. just plain, casual (yet serious) conversation about juno's plans. after the talk, yes they were bewildered about the news of juno's pregnancy because they were expecting that juno would tell them something else like maybe an expulsion from school or drug problems. but at least, they knew that juno initiated the sex part. these are parents who really know their kid. hehe

another favorite was when vanessa was asking mark (the adoptive parents) on which paint color to use for their baby's room. its a classy joke but having a big dilemma on choosing among the two colors (cheesecake or mustard) which didnt really have a big difference was just so funny for me.

it was quite touching when juno had an outburst when she learned that mark (the adoptive parents) was planning on leaving vanessa. it was then that she cried buckets of tears. and it was then that she became just an ordinary teenager asking her dad why people cant stay together forever. shows how painful it is facing the fact that your some of your childhood fantasies do not really become adult realities.

anyway, i think that everyone who has a thing for great non-pop movies should go and see this.

the lines are really smart and the delivery was perfect that when juno told bleeker "you're the cheese to my macaroni", i didnt barf.

p.s. this is the film's opening song.

All i want is you by Barry Louis Polisar

If I was a flower growing wild and free

All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.

And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen

All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If I was a flower growing wild and free

All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.

And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen

All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride

Take me by the hand and stand by my side

All I want is you, will you stay with me?

Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,

The rumble of your water would be my call.

If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow

Just as long as you were with me, let the cold winds blow

All I want is you, will you be my bride

Take me by the hand and stand by my side

All I want is you, will you stay with me?

Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod

If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.

If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug

And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride

Take me by the hand and stand by my side

All I want is you, will you stay with me?

Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.

If you were the love, I'd be the desire.

If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,

And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride

Take me by the hand and stand by my side

All I want is you, will you stay with me?

Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea

random notes...na naman

i have a report on wednesday, a paper to submit on that same day and a report on saturday. and what am i doing at this very minute? updating my blog. sweet!
but im doing my slides on the side =) yep, procastination is my guiding philosophy.

===================

while i was on my way to work last saturday, i heard this song from the radio.

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

syempre natawa na lang ako no. how timely.

===================

im so excited...about my slr. *wide grin*

===================

gusto kong manood ng "across the universe".

===================

excited na din akong mag fair. at kunin ang centennial planner. at magsaya. at makibalita sa mga college friends. at kumain. at uminom. at matulog. hay....

G5tv Video Music Awards at the PLC

this is the first time that PAL hosted the G5 christmas party. and being the holder of many "best performance" awards from the past G5 christmas parties, expectations were really set so so high which spelled P-R-E-S-S-U-R-E for us. but it was ok, we could handle that (fighting spirit lang ang tawag jan)=)

anyway, we started preparing as early as september when we had our photoshoot with olie (see previous entries for some of the photos). back then we were planning to have an america's next top model theme. but later on, after a number of brainstorming sessions, the theme became MTV's VMA. so the tiring, fun, exciting dirty work ensued, coupled with a little tampo session among organizers in between. but even if the PLC was far from looking like the Palm's Casino in Vegas, everyone still had a blast. all's well that ends well =)

with Mr Bautista in the gigantic tv


gimme gimme, gimme more...

ficture ficture


kunan ng picture ang stage!

isa pa!

o buong grupo naman

finally, nakapagpapicture ng kumpleto sa giant tv =)

sweeney todd

bloody. gory. brutal. gothic. dark.

i finally went to see sweeney todd tonight. i got curious about the movie after i read the review. i dont know but the thought of someone killing people so casually (while singing at that) and feeding them to unsuspecting people later is just different. ok, not so different. fine, its because of johnny depp!

i see sweeney todd as a movie about revenge. its about this ordinary barber who was sent to jail by a nasty judge (see: prof snape, bellatrix and wormtail were also there). his wife, who eventually got mad, was raped by the same judge while his daughter was locked ala-rapunzel. so when he got out of prison, guess what he wanted to do...you got it! yes, he wanted revenge! and its revenge that he got. too bad, it backfired on him. so the moral lesson is, dont. =)

the movie was full of blood. it's like a musical kill bill for me. the grotesquerie of it. blood spilling from the throat of todd's victims. or seeing the ground (human) meat coming out of the grinder. its really nauseating. or imagine eating a delicious meat pie and suddenly realizing that its made of human meat. argh, thats cruelty defined.

but it was also fun because its like watching a horror film, covering my eyes with my jacket and peeping while waiting for him to cut his victim's throat. i cringe everytime there's a scene like that, which was a lot. we were seated beside a group of college guys and they were doing the same. haha naghahampasan nga lang.

if in case you wanna see the movie, dont bring meat pie baon. you wont eat it. believe me =)

depp was really good. he deserve that best actor award. the review said that his voice doesnt sound that good in the film but it is perfectly fine for me. it doesnt sound far from how ewan mcgreggor sang in moulin rouge or antonio banderas in evita.

bagong taon

ang lungkot

‘Di mo lang alam
Naiiisip kita
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
‘Di mo lang alam
Hanggang sa gabi inaasam makita kang muli

Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang panahon
At ngayon ako ay iyong iniwan
Luhaan, sugatan, ‘di mapakinabangan
Sana nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam
Sana’y nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam

Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Hindi mo lang alam
Kay tagal na panahon
Ako’y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa’yo

Lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
‘Di pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
Kung ako’y nagkasala patawad na sana
Puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal

‘Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
‘Di mo lang alam
Ika’y minamasdan
Sana’y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam

‘Di mo lang alam
Kahit tayo’y magkaibigan lang
Napapaligaya lang sa tuwing nagkukulitan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Ako’y nandito lang
Hindi mo lang alam
Matalino ka naman

Kung ikaw at ako
Ay tunay na bigo sa laro na ito
Ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana hindi ka lang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako’y masasaktan ng ganito
Sana’y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko

‘Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
Isang kindat man lang
‘Di mo lang alam
O, ika’y minamasdan
Sana iyo’y mamalayang di mo lang pala alam
Oooooooo

Malas mo
Ikaw ang natipuhan ko
Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan

---up dharma down

sa wakas! tagal ko ding hinanap to. laging out of stock.

pasko na

after our dance practice last thursday, henyo, prinsesang labandera, right hand ni green guru, and jen (kalimutan ko code mo) and i went to dinner at buendia. we passed by makati ave and got a bit disappointed by the christmas lights on the street. kulang sa kislap. but when we got to buendia and got out of the car, putik, ang lamig! damang dama na ang kapaskuhan =)

========

deck the halls with boughs of holly

fa la la la la la la la la

tis the season to be jolly

fa la la la la, lala la la

craziness

lately, madalas kaming gumawa ng mga kalokohan sa opisina. una, it involved these cute iPods that were making for the christmas party that we're organizing. eto ang nangyari.

dory and i were making prototypes of iPods na gagamitin para sa party. una naming nagawa, yung kulay fuschia. putik! ang ganda! syempre naaliw kami sa pinakita namin sa iba. "huwaw!", anila. sila man ay napalatak din sa ganda. mukhang totoo. animo'y isang malaking iPod video. at dun na nga nagsimula ang lahat.

dagliang kinuha ni henyo ang earphone ng kanyang totoong iPod video at isinuksok ang plug sa iPod styro. ang earpiece naman ay isinuksok sa kanyang tenga at umindak indak na animo ay may pinapakinggan. at doon umilaw ang bumbilya sa aming mga bumbunan. hmmm...magandang kuwento ito.

unang biktima. si aida. habang seryoso sya sa pagtatrabaho, sumilip kami ni dory sa kanyang cubicle at sinabing ipaparinig sa kanya ang gagamiting tugtog para sa aming sayaw sa party. inilipat ko sa kanya ang earphone habang ang iPod styro ay nakatago sa aking likod. wala syang marining aniya. sandali lang lakasan natin, sabi ko. at saka inilabas ang iPod styro sa pagkakatago. isang malakas na hagalpakan ang sumunod.

at madami pang sumunod na biktima pagkatapos ni aida. may mga nakikisakay at talaga namang dumadialogue ng "lakasan mo pa hindi ko marinig!" sabay indak. meron din namang, "P ka!" ang sagot sa amin. ngunit ang pinakamatinding sagot, "ano ba ito?" haha ako yata ang nagulat doon.

=====

at ngayong hapon lang, eto naman ang sumunod. ako ang unang biktima. inalok ako ng aking boss ng lechon. ngunit bakas sa kanyang mukha ang kakaibang ngiti kaya ako ay nagduda. at aha! tama nga ang aking pagdududa! may maitim silang binabalak sa akin.

syempre hindi ako papayag nang hindi ko naikakalat ang magandang balita. gusto nyo ng lechon? hmmm...sino kaya ang magandang biktima? si polar bear, si polar bear! sabi ng boss ko. tumpak! sabi ko.

kaya agad akong tumungo sa cubicle ni polar bear na kasalukuyang abala sa pagdodokumento ng kanyang mga, ahm, dokumento.

polar bear, polar bear! gusto mo ng lechon? sabay bukas sa takip na foil. huwaw! aniya. si dory naman, humahangos na nagsabing, "give me give me!" at paglapit nila, bwahaha lechon ha!

kayo, gusto nyo? iPod o lechon de leche? place your orders now!

geographical change

We are transferring. After a year of being here, we will again transfer to a farther location. Huhu And last year, we thought that transferring here would be like hell since we were like relocating from the downtown to the suburbs. But this transfer is worse. Imagine relocating to Timbuktu. *sob*

Transfer = major adjustments. *wail*

Im dreading the idea of…
-Getting up at 530 instead of 630
-Waging an all out war against fellow commuters just to get inside the MRT instead of taking the FX (which also means Im not gonna see Beatles guy anymore *another huhu*)
-Taking an 8-5 work shift.
-I don’t know yet which route to take to get to school.
-Following the standards for corporate grooming since we will be on the same floor with the President, i.e. dressing up and wearing heels every single day which is a major nightmare for me. I want my flats!

On the other hand….
-The elevator will be bigger. (babaw ng kaligayahan ko)
-There is a CANTEEN! (we don’t have one right now)
-The building is not exclusively used by the Company, i.e. mas madaming taong masisilayan. *grin*
-Dampa is just a stone’s throw away.

I hope I can survive school and work with this major geographical adjustments.
And I hope the pros will outdo the cons :)

photoshoot

pictures from the photoshoot we had. amateur models. buti na lang magaling ang photographer.

crossing the zone

Do you know how it feels to be depressed? You know how it feels to be so sad to the point that you wanna cry even without a specific reason for doing such? When you just feel like crying and that’s it?

Jessica Zafra (she is a philosopher in her own absurd way) once wrote about getting depressed when one’s birthday is coming up. Her theory is that “when your birthday rolls around, you somehow relive the terror of being ripped out of the womb and thrown into an indifferent, inhospitable universe.” No I don’t relive that terror but somehow, I have that kind of depression when my birthday gets nearer. And the last time I had that gnawing feeling was a few days ago.

Last Monday was D-day. I filed for a birthday leave from work so I had all day for myself. I digressed from the usual dinner thing with my loved ones and thought of just having “the” dinner on weekend and have a simple dinner on d-day at home instead.

I woke up at 8am and had a filling longsilog breakfast prepared by my mother dear while texting friends who remembered what October 1 was for me. Took a bath after and prepared my things for school (yes, I spent 3 hours of my birthday in the library).

But before embarking on a journey to geekhood, I went to the parlor and had my hair cut. Thought this is the least I could do to pamper myself (wanted to go to the spa but I don’t have much time). Glad I liked the blown-dried results. Twas one of the few times I felt good the whole day because of my hair. Nice!

Since it was almost lunch time, I decided to buy Jamaican patties and muched while strolling. I spotted an exhibit of brass, steel and marble sculptures in the 5th floor of Megamall and thought that it was nice so I went inside the gallery. It was, in my eyes as a neophyte, indeed a good exhibit. I scrutinized most of the details and was amazed by the greatness of the artists. Imagine inanimate objects transformed into compounded small details and brought to life!

By 1230, I decided to go so I hopped in a bus going to fairview and onto a jeepney going to campus. I dropped by the chapel first and spent a few minutes of silence and solitude with God and nature. Aah how I missed such moments. Just staring at the hanged image of the Christ at the center of the chapel and breathing the damp fresh air of UP.

I was at the library from130 to 430 and spent the afternoon taking notes from my main reference which, unfortunately was a thesis so tough luck, cant photocopy even just 1 page of it.

After the session at the library, I decided it was time to go home so I went. My parents were already home so I prepared some pasta and salad while my mom fried some chicken wings. Didn’t get to finish what I was cooking because I had to go to the mall for some sisterly chores. It was ok nonetheless because I got a wristwatch as a gift in return. Yay!

Got home around 8 in the evening and found my brother and sister in-law already finishing dinner. After a short chat, it was bye bye time for them.

I only got to have dinner at around 9. It was a pig-out session.

Since it was my birthday, I rewarded myself with an early night.

Hay….boring. Where was the depression? Before the birthday. D-day was an ordinary day cloaked with lots of food and sessions of introspection.

on erap

Tomorrow, people will finally know the verdict on Erap’s plunder case. Erap confidently believes that based from surveys, people are behind him. Naniniwala ang tao na wala syang kasalanan. Some TV reports this morning featured some members of the opposition before who have jumped on the other side of the fence now. Tessie Aquino Oreta and Tito Sotto have shown what theyre really made up of. I don’t know what happened to Loren Legarda, never really looked up to her anyway. May paiyak iyak pa syang nalalaman. Senator Guingona is calling for the acquittal of Estrada saying that 6 years is enough for him to pay for his offenses. Others are looking at his age and his being kawawa.

Hay, what can I say. Malambot talaga ang puso ng Pilipino. Tsaka maikli ang memory. Paano pa magkakaroon ng hustisya sa bansang ito kung ganito lagi ang pananaw ng bawat isa? Patawarin ang nagkasala kasi nakakaawa. Patawarin ang nagnakaw kasi hindi lang naman sya ang nagnakaw. Lahat naman daw nagnanakaw. Normal lang daw sa mga opisyal ng gobyerno ang magnakaw. Pathetic! Eh di buwagin na lang ang DOJ. At ang mga abugado at kumukuha ng abugasya ay mag-nursing na lang!

But I really hope that tomorrow, Erap gets convicted. I don’t have any grand expectations that he’ll really suffer the way he should but I think that having a guilty verdict could at least gain the respect of the people on Sandiganbayan.

Anyway, i was rummaging through my 'baul ng kasaysayan' and i saw this piece i wrote for one of my Socio classes back in 2001. Thought its a good reminder for me and also for other people who would read this. Ganito pala ang pananaw ko 6 na taon na ang nakararaan. Its a long one though.

============

Pagkatapos ng mga naging pagsama ko sa pagkilos noong nakaraang taon, masyado akong nasanay sa bakasyon. Kaya pagbalik ko sa unibersidad galing sa Christmas break, natambakan ako ng Gawain. Layunin ko na sanang asikasuhin muna ang pag-aaral ko. Kaya noong Enero 15, nang may isinagawa uling pagkilos ang mga estudyante, hindi ako sumama. Ito ay hindi dahil ayoko nang maghirap kundi dahil mas kailangan kong bigyan ng atensyon ang aking pag-aaral.

Tapos noong Enero 16 nga, nagpunta ako sa Film Center para sa Orapronobis at doon ko muling napagtanto pagkakita ko sa mga aktibista na hindi dapat ako mapagod sa ipinaglalaban ko. Akmang-akma ang pagpapalabas ng Orapronobis dahil ito ay isang pelikulang nagpapakita ng mga hindi madalas Makita ng mga tao lalo na kapag medyo “maayos” na ang politikal na sitwasyon sa lipunan.

Puno ang sinehan. Bago magsimula ang pagpapalabas ng pelikula, nagsalita muna ang ilang grupo ng mga aktibista upang paigtingin ang kampanya sa pagpapatalsik kay Erap. Kahit na natagalan pa ang pagsisimula ng palabas, nagging maganda naman ang pagtanggap ng mga manonood. Malakas ang hiyawan at palakpakan pagkatapos ng mga pananalita at sumasali ang mga manonood sa mha “chant”. Parang nakikita ko tuloy ang positibong pagtanggap ng mga estudyante sa mga hamon para sa pagkilos. Binibigyan nila ng daan ang mga pagmumulat sa kanilang kalagayan at sa pangangailangang maging mapagbantay pa sa mga sumusunod pang mangyayari.

Natapos ang palabas banding 9 ng gabi. May panawagan pa ang STAND UP para sa isang educational discussion ukol sa mga isyung kinakaharap ng sambayanan ng mga panahong iyon ngunit hindi na ako dumalo. Minabuti kong umuwi na lamang (pagkatapos kong makita si Ely Buendia na nasa pintuan ng FC). Umuwi akong walang kamalay-malay na magaganap na ang isang pangyayaring makapagbabago sa kasaysayan ng bayan ko at maaaring sa kinabukasan ko.

Nakarating ako sa bahay bago mag ika-10 ng gabi. Tulad ng nakasanayan ko na sa mga nakaraang gabi, matamang nanonood ng telebisyon si Ate. Nagdedebate na daw kung bubuksan ba ang pangalawang envelope na naglalaman umano ng mgamabibigat naebidensya na magpapatunay sa pagkakasala ni Erap, o hindi. Isinusulat nya ang mga argumento ng mga senador at kung sino ang mukhang boboto para o laban sa pagbubukas ng pangalawang envelope.

Pagkatapos nga ng debate at ng napagkasunduang nominal voting ay nagtanong pa si Sen. Legarda kung wala na bang paraan para huwag matuloy ang nominal voting at hayaan na lamang ang nakaupong hukom upang sya na lang ang magdesisyon. Nang sumagot si Justice Davide na wala ng ibang paraan sa pagbawi sa desisyong nominal voting maliban na lamang kung babawiin ni Sen. Tatad ang inihain nyang panukala. Naisip ko na mas mabuti na nga siguro kung itutuloy na lamang ang nominal voting at nang sa gayon at makikita ko kung sino ang mga senador na naglalayong maghanap ng katotohanan at hindi magpapairal ng kanilang personal na interes.

Itinuloy nga ang nominal voting. Pinipilit namin ni Ate na alamin kung sino ang bumoto ng yes at no ngunit hindi naming magawa dahil hindi naming marinig ang sagot ng iba. Ngunit sa tantya ko, parang mas madami akong narinig na bumoto ng yes kaya masaya na ako at positibo ang pag-aakalang mabubuksan ang envelope. Ngunit pagdating kay Sen. Pimentel, nanlumo ako. Nanlumo ako dahil mas madami ang bilang ng bumoto ng no at kahit na bumoto pa sya ng yes ay wala na itong epekto sa desisyon. Nang ipahayag nya ang kanyang pagbibitiw ay hindi ko alam kung ano ang eksaktong nararamdaman ko. Humahanga ako sa kanya dahik sa kanyang paninindigan. Nanghinayang at natakot ako dahil alam kong sa pagbibitiw nyang iyon ay mawawalan na ng kredibilidad ang korte para sa inaakala kong pagpapatuloy pa ng paglilitis. Iniisip ko kung paano tatanggapin ng mga tao ang desisyong ito. Nagalit ako at nawalan ng pag-asa sa mga nakikita kong uri ng nakakaraming tao mayroon ang senado. Iniisip ko ang siguradong pagkatalo ng mamamayan sa labang ito dahil kung paghahanap pa lamang ng katotohanan ay ganito na ang kanilang ugalo, paano pa kaya sa panahon ng pagbibigay ng desisyon sa kaso ng taong bayan laban kay Erap?

Naiyak ako ng niyakap ni Drilon si Pimentel. Pinanindigan ako ng balahibo nang magtayuan at magwalk-out ang mga private prosecutor at mga tao sa gallery. Nahiya ako nang makita kong sumasayaw si Tessie Aquino-Oreta at parang batang nang-aaway at nang-aasar sa mga tao at higit sa lahat, nagduda na baka si Erap ang kinakausap nina Coseteng, Honasan at Enrile sa telepono at ibinabalita ang nangyayari. At pagkatapos nga ng proceedings, nagkaroon ng press conference at ditto sinabi ni Cong. Arroyo na ang ikinatatakot nya ngayon ay ang pagpunta ng tao sa lansangan upang makamit ang katarungan. Sa tinuran niyang ito, dito ko ulit nadama ang pangangailangan para sa pagsasagawa ng pagkilos sa lansangan upang marining ng mga nagbibingi-bingihan ang boses ng sambayanan.

Kinabukasan, Enero 17, ay nagising ako ng maaga dahil hindi rin naman ako nakatulog ng maayos ng nakaraang gabi. Ipinakita sa TV na may mga tao na sa EDSA at nagulat ako na ang Mendiola, kilalang balwarte ng mga kilos protesta laban sa pamahalaan ay naookupahan na ng mga tagasuporta ni Erap. Gayunpaman, nakakatuwang isipin na ang mga tao ay gagalaw naman pala ng kusa oras na malaman nilang hindi sugurado ang mangyayari sa kanilangkinabukasan,

At dahil Miyerkules nga at walang pasok, hindi ko naisip na pumunta ng UP at makibalita sa mga gagawing aksyon ng mga organisasyon at ng buong unibersidad. Pumunta ako ng Philcoa upang makipagkita sa aking 2 kagrupo at isagawa an gaming planong pananaliksik. Natawa pa ako nang makita kong pareho silang nakaitim. Ang hindi ko alam, may kumakalat na palang mensahe sa telepono ukol sa pagsusuot ng itim bilang simbolo ng pagkamatay ng demokrasya at hustisya sa ating bansa.

Bandang 8:30 ng tumungo kami ng mga kagrupo ko sa NEDA upang mangalap ng datos para sa aming isinasagawang pananaliksik. At dahil nga ang NEDA ay nasa Ortigas Center, nadaanan naming ang EDSA Shrine. May mga tao na doon ngunit kaunti pa lamang. Sa tingin ko ay nakalalamang pa ang bilang ng mga pulis na nagbabantay sa lugar. Sa NEDA naman, pinag-uusapan din ng mga empleyado ang pangyayari kinagabihan. May mga empleyadong hindi ko alam kung seryoso sa kanilang sinasabing pagpunta sa Mendiola habang ang iba naman ay nagsabing magtutungo sa EDSA. Bandang ika 12 na ng tanghali nang umalis kami sa NEDA at planong kumain muna at pag-usapan an gaming gagawin kinahapunan. Nauna kasi ditto ay may nakatakda kaming kakapanayamin sa Makati na magbibigay sa amin ng pagpapaliwanang ukol sa mga konsepto at magpapaliwanang sa mga kalakaran na makakatulong sa aming pananaliksik. Ngunit pagsakay naming sa taxi, narinig naming sa radio na pinakikinggan ng driver na muli na naming nagwalk-out ang mga traders sa PSE kaya nahikayat kaming pumunta agad ng EDSA pagkatapos naming kumain. At ang kagandahan nito, nalaman naming ang taong amin palang kakapanayamin ay papunta din pala ng EDSA.

Pagdating namin sa EDSA Shrine ng bandang ika-1 ng hapon ay marami ng tao sa lugar at may isinasagawa ng misa. Kapansin-pansin na karamihan sa mga taong nandito ngayon ay naka-uniporme at hindi masyadong nakikita ang mga aktibista na madalas kong makita sa Mendiola. Marami in akong nakitang nagtitinda ng pins, stickers, t-shirts, etc sa mga sidewalk at ito ay dinadagsa ng mga tao.

Nakita ko dito ang papel ng mga simbolo. Ang pangangailangan ng mga tao na ipakita ang kani-kanilang pakikiisa sa pamamagitan ng pisikal na pakikiisa at paggamit ng mga simbolong nagpapahayag ng kanilang layunin. Nanatili kami sa lugar at nakita naming ang pagdating ng mga tao,

Pagkagat ng dilim ay nagtanghal sina Jon Santos at Tessie Tomas upang pasayahin naman ang mga tao at pawiin ang pagod ng mga ito. Ginamit nila sa pagpapatawa ang panggagaya sa ibang mga senador na bumoto ng no lalo na si Miriam.

Bandang ika-9 na ng gabi nang umalis kami sa lugar na sya namang pagdating dito ni Bong Revilla. Matindi ang pagpapakita ng negatibong pagtanggap sa kanya sa pamamagitan ng mga sigaw ngunit hindi namin naobserbahan ang mga sumunod na pangyayari. Habang naglalakad kami ng isa kong kagrupo papunta sa MRT Ortigas Station ay marami din naman ang naglalakad papunta sa Shrine. Nakakatuwang isipin na ang mga taong ito ay gusto ring makiisa sa paghubog ng kasaysayan at kinabukasan ng bansa.

Enero 19, pangalawang araw ng malakihang pagtitipon sa EDSA ay pumasok pa ako. May klase pa ako sa dalawa kong klaseng pang-umaga kahit marami sa mga classroom ay wala ng laman. Pagkatapos ng klase ko ng 11 ay dumiretso na ako sa Admin kung saan nagtipon ang mga estudyante, kaguruan at kawani ng unibersidad. Pinakamahalaga kong nakita sa pagtitipong ito ay ang matagal nang hinihintay ng mga estudyantena pahayag ni Pang. Nemenzo ukol sa isyu. Dito ko nakita ang kapangyarihan ng estudyante, na kailangan lang talaga naming magsalira at ipaglaban ang aming karapatan at tiyak na makakatanggap kami ng suporta mula sa administrasyon. At pagkatapos nga ng maikling programa sa Admin at matapos awitin ang UP Naming Mahal ay tumulak na ang sangkaUPihan papuntang EDSA Shrine.

At sinimulan nga ang mahaba, nakakapagod ngunit masayang lakaran. Masigla ang mga tao, malakas ang sigawan at kita naman ang positibong reaksyon paglabas ng kampus sa pagbusina ng mga sasakyan. Pagdating naman sa East Avenue kung saan maraming matatagpuang mga opisina ng gobyerno, ang sigaw naman ay patungkol sa mga empleyado at pag-udyok sa mga itong sumama na sa pagkilos. Sa mga nadadaanan naman naming sa kalsada, maraming kumakaway at marami ring sumasama. Kahit na nakakapagod ang maglakad-takbo, mukha namang hindi nabawasan an gaming bilang nang makarating kami sa Shrine. Isa ngang paraan kapag medyo napapagod na ako at gusto ko ng sumuko at magMRT ay ang pagtingin sa likuran ko. Isang tingin pa lang sa dami ng mga kasama ay naiibsan na ang pagod ko. Pagdating sa Shrine ay damang dama ko ang aking pagiging isang Iskolar ng Bayan. Nandito ako, nakiisa sa laban ng mamamayan habang isinisigaw ang Unibersidad ng Pilipinas na parang nasa UAAP. Ang sarap sumigaw! Ang gaan ng pakiramdam lalo na at alam kong kaisa ako sa laban ng mga mamamayang nagpapaaral sa akin.

Mga ika-4 na siguro ng hapon nang mananghalian kami ng mga kasama ko sa kalapit na Galleria. Kitang-kita sa dami ng tao ang kawalang talo ng kapitalismo kahit na sa mga ganitong pagkakataon. Halos karamihan ng tao sa loob ay mukhang galing sa rally at sumaglit lang sandali upang katulad namin ay magkalaman din ang tyan. Ang iba ay mukhang nagpunta doon para sa tawag ng kalikasan habang ang iba ay upang magpahinga at magpalamig.

Pagbalik namin sa Shrine mga bandang 5:30 ay napakarami na ng tao at mahirap nang pumagitna. Kapansin-pansin na karamihan sa mga kasama sa pagkilos na ito ay mga estudyante. Halos karamihan ay mga mukhang mayaman. Nakakatuwa ding pagmasdan ang mga taong walang kyemeng sumisigaw ng “bading” at “pok pok” kahit katabi pa ang mga madre at pari. Nakakaliberate din ang pakiramdam habang nakikiisa ako sa pasigaw na nagmumura kahit na mismong ang mga taong simbahan ang nasa paligid. Lumulutang ang pagpapahalaga ng mga tao sa nagkakaisang layuning at isinasantabi muna ang mga personal na kagustuhan at paniniwala na maaaring makahadlang sa kolektibong kagustuhan.

Madilim na ng magpahayag ang Philippine Collegian na hinihingi sa mga estudyante ng UP na iboykot ang mga klase hanggang hindi pa bumababa si Erap. Bilang isang kabataan, syempre natuwa ako sa balita dahil nangangahulugan ito ng pagbitaw muna sa mga gawaing pampaaralan. Ngunit bilang isang estudyante at mamamayan, iniisip ko din kung ano ang mangyayari? Kahit na sabihing pasado ako sa lahat ng aking asignatura, hindi ko yata gusto na wala naman akong masyadong “matututunan” mula sa mga ito. Nakakabahalang isipin na mabubuhay ako ngayon at ang buong sambayanan nang walang kasiguruhan kung ano ang dapat na asahan para sa kinabukasan. Paano kung hindi sya bumaba? Ibig bang sabihin hindi ko na mararanasang maging isang estudyante ulit? Ngunit ang pinakamahalangang naidulot ng pahayag na ito ng Kulê ay naitanong ko sa sarili ko kung hanggang saan ang kaya kong ibigay para sa bayan ko. Ang pagsali ko sa mga pagkilos ay hindi simpleng “pakikiisa” lamang kundi pagpapakita ng isang mas mabigat na ipinaglalaban.

Bandang ika-10 na nang gabi nang magpasya kaming umuwi ng mga kasama ko. Dahil sa dami ng tao, kung gaano kahirap ang makipagsiksikan upang makapasok, ganoon din kahirap ang pakikipagsiksikan upang makalabas. Nakakahilong pagmasdan ang dami ng tao. Pag-uwi ko sa bahay ay saka ko naramdaman ang pagod sa buong maghapon. Bilib na bilib nga ako sa sarili ko dahil nagawa kong lakarin ang 15 kilometrong distansya mula UP hanggang EDSA Shrine.

Kinabukasan, Enero 19 ay iba na talaga ang simoy ng hangin sa UP. Marami ng nakadikit na poster ng Philippine Collegian, wala ng laman ang mga classroom, at halos lahat ng tao ay nasa AS lobby na. Iniisip ko tuloy kung ganito din kaya ang nagging kalagayan ng UP noong panahon ng FQS kung walang kaguluhang naganap? Halatang handa na ang mga estudyante sa hindi pagpasok sa unibersidad at paglulunsad ng edukasyon sa lansangan. Pati ang isa kong propesor ay handa na ring hindi magsagawa ng klase sa classroom dahil hinihingi ng pagkakataon.

Masayang isipin na marami pa ring sumama sa pagkilos kahit na nasubukan na ang pagod na nadama kahapon. Ngunit halata din namang pagod na ang mga tao dahil hindi na masyadong sumisigaw ang mga ito habang naglalakad. At ako at ang kasama ko ay nagpaplanong magMRT dahil sa pag-iisip na hindi ko na kakayanin pang maglakad ulit ng 15 kilometro. Ngunit dahil na rin sa nakikitang pagiging masigasig ng mga kapwa ko tigaUP, minabuti na lang naming sumama sa paglalakad dahil nahihiya kami sa sarili namin. Makikita ang bigat ng ipinaglalaban ng buong komunidad dahil kahit pagod na ay handa pa ring magsakripisyo at maglakad muli mula UP hanggang EDSA Shrine kahit pwede namang sumakay.

Pagdating namin sa Shrine ay sobrang dami na ng tao. Hindi na kaya pang sumiksik ng komunidad ng UP sa ibaba kaya nahati ito. Ang iba ay umakyat sa flyover habang ang iba ay nakipagsiksikan pa rin sa ibaba. Pagdating sa lugar ay agad kaming tumungo ng mga kasama ko sa Galleria upang kumain ng tanghalian.

Pagkatapos kumain ay bumalik kami sa Shrine. Gusto sana naming pumunta sa gitna sa tapat ng entablado ngunit hindi kami makasiksik kaya minabuti na lang naming umakyat ng flyover at doon na lamang manood. Habang nasa itaas kami, bukod sa panonood, tumutulong din kami sa pagsaboy ng confetti at pagbabato ng pagkain sa mga nasa ibaba. Kahit hindi naming kilala yung pinagkukunan namin ng confetti at pagkain, patuloy pa rin kami sa pagtulong sa mga ito. Sa kahit na maliit na bagay lang kung tutuusin ang ginawa naming ito, nadama ko rin dito ang pagkakaisa at pakikiisa ng mga tao. Nawalan na ng konsepto ng “ako”, ng “grupo ko” at ang mga ito ay napalitan na ng tayo.

Hindi ko sigurado kung bandang 5 ba or 6 nang dumating sina Orly Mercado, Angie Reyes at iba pang mga pinuno ng Sandatahang Lakas ng Pilipinas. Noong una ay cynical ako sa ginawang ito ng AFP pero naisip ko rin na baka matapos na ito. Sabi ko nga sa kasama ko, baka magkaroon na ng klase sa Lunes pero sabi naman nya ay hindi pwede at kailangan pa raw ng coup d’etat. Napapabalita na rin ang planong pagpunta sa Mendiola ng mga tao upang mas mapadali daw ang pagbaba ni Erap.

Umuwi kami ng maaga ng kasama ko, mga bandang 8 pa lang. Plano naming huwag munang pumunta sa Sabado at Linggo upang maihanda namin an gaming mga sarili para sa pagpapatuloy ng pagkilos sa Lunes. Handa na rin kaming pumunta sa Mendiola kapag nagkataon kahit na takot na takot kami at baka magkagulo. Pagkababa naming sa flyover sa bandang EDSA, walang northbound na bus. Ang kasama ko ay tiga-Pasig lang kaya malapit lang ang kanyang lalakarin ngunit ako na tiga-Cubao ay kailangan uling maglakad ng malayo para makauwi. Gayunpaman, kahit nag-iisa ako ay hindi naman ako natakot dahil maraming taong naglalakad sa EDSA. Gusto ko ng maiyak sa pagod pero pag iniisip ko ang dahilan ng pagsasakripisyo ko at ng marami sa atin, nabubuhayan muli ako ng loob.

Pagdating ko sabahay, nagpahinga lang ako sandali at pagkatapos kumain ay agad na tumutok sa telebisyon. Pero dahil na rin siguro sa pagod, nakatulugan ko na ang panonood. Nagising ako bandang 3 ng madaling araw at mayroon na nga raw nagaganap na negosasyon sa pagitan ng grupo ni GMA at ni Erap. Bandang ika-6 ng umaga nang ipakita sa TV ang mga grupong papunta sa Mendiola. Nainggit ako at inisip ko na sana nandoon din ako dahil ito na ang pinaka-climax ng pagkilos. Ilang oras lang pagkaalis ng mga grupong nagpunta sa Mendiola ay muli na namang nagbalik sa dati ang bulang ng taong nasa EDSA. Ito ay dahil na rin sa panawagan ni Cardinal Sin na magpunta sa EDSA ang mga tao upang maging saksi sa gagawing panunumpa ni GMA bilang Pangulo. Bandang alas-12 na siguro nang tanghali nang maagaw ng mga grupong galing sa EDSA ang Mendiola mula sa mga pro-Erap. Mabuti naman at walang malaking kaguluhang nangyari maliban sa isang nabugbog dahil sa panggugulo umano nito.

Ganap nang 2:20 ng hapon nang ipakita sa TV ang paalis sa Malacanang na si Erap kasama ang kanyang pamilya at mga malalapit nakaibigan. Tawang tawa ako sa itsura ni JV na humahagulgol na parang bata. Napansin ko din ang tila maaliwalas na mukha ni Loi habang sina Jackie at Jinggoy naman ay hindi mapigilan ang pag-iyak. Halatang-halata naman sa mukha ni Erap ang bigat ng kanyang dinadala. Kung titingnan sa kabuuan, mukhang nakakaawa nga naman ang buong pamilya. Ngunit para sa akin, hindi sila karapat-dapat na kaawaan lalo na si Erap dahil sa kanyang ginawa sa sambayanang Pilipino. Nakakainis at nakakagalit pa nga silang panoorin habang pauwi sa kanilang bahay sa Polk Street dahil kung tutuusin hindi na sila dapat pinapauwi kundi diretso nang inihahatid sa kulungan.

Natuwa ako sa nangyari dahil hindi naman nasayang ang pagod, pawis at gutom na naranasan ko sa aking pakikiisa sa pagkilos ng buong sambayanan. Ngunit para sa akin, ang People Power II na maituturing ay hindi lang ang naganap noon Jan 16-20. Ito lang ang nagging sukdulan ng pagkilos dahil dito nanggaling ang pinakamalakas na pressure para sa pagpapababa kay Erap.

Matagal nang nananawagan ng pagbabago ang sambayanan kaya hindi ko maihiwalay ang mga isinagawang pagkilos bago pa ng Jan 16-20 sa aking depinisyon ng People Power. Malaki ang nagging papel ng mga naunang pagkilos dahil naglahad ang mga ito ng batayan para sa pagpapatalsik kay Erap. Mga batayang hindi lamang nakabatay sa mga isiniwalat ni Singson at ng pangalawang envelope kung hindi mga konkretong batayan na ipinapakita ng mga taong nagpunta dito. Mga magsasakang humihingi ng tunay na reporma sa lupa, mga estudyanteng nananawagan para sa pagbibigay ng pangunahing halaga sa edukasyon, mga manggagawang humihingi ng tamang pasahod, at iba pa.

Sana nga lamang ay hindi masayang an gating ipinaglaban at huwag kakalimutan ni GMA ang sambayanang Pilipino na nagluklok sa kanya. Kahit na napalitan ang atin pangulo, nananatili pa rin ang problema ng sambayanang Pilipino. Ito ay nagpapatunay lamang na hindi pa tapos an gating ipinaglalaban kundi simula lamang ng isang mas mabigat na laban. Napatunayan na natin ang kapangyarihan mayron ang mga mamamayan at ang pagbabago na maaari nitong maidulot. Huwag sana natin itong kalimutang gamitin muli kapag hinihingi ng pagkakataon. Higit sa lahat, kailangan din nating malaman ang ating magagawa upang mabago ang umiiral na sistema sa lipunan.

senti mode

I feel so down these days. Blame it on hormonal changes. Or maybe on seasonal changes. Or maybe its that thing you call birthday blues.

Just this afternoon, I got overly sensitive and got pissed off with one of my friends. Maybe on ordinary days, I would have taken those jokes lightly but today, I felt like he was bullying me and I got hurt. I tried to ward off the pagkapikon but I failed. Maybe because he’d hit where it hurts most.

Despite his apology, and my acceptance of it, my mood didn’t improve. I was even on the verge of crying when we were talking (err…winpoping) about it. Hope getting enough sleep tonight could help. Anyway in the past, it always did.

random notes

1) while i was on my way out of the mrt station early this evening, a girl collapsed. while her 2 companions were dragging her to a chair, curious bystanders were already closing in, taking a look. i went to the ticket counter and told the attendant to send their medical or first aid team and she told me that their first aid people were on the other counter. what the ****! so my voice went 1 notch higher and fortunately, the attendant got back to her senses and sent the guard with the first aid kit. didnt know what happened after that.

2) im trying to make my written report for 204. as expected, ive only done 4 sentences. di bale, pinapalakpakan naman yung video ko =). my classmates might have sensed the sleepless nights that i've spent for that simple video. we might have really impressed yuzon because he was generous with compliments after our report. even told us to present it to congress. naks! syempre joke time lang yun.

3) sezy dezy's buying a laptop. huwat? necessity? sige na nga

4) ate's curious about my last entry. haha jusko, basahin ang paunang salita. that was written 2 years ago.

5) im loving my new phone and the simple joys that it brings. radyo sa opisina at boses ni yoda.

6) yey! maayos na ulit ang tv namin. im now updated with whats happening around me. the newest season of beauty and the geek is starting. jovito salonga is resigning from rhosig (if rhosig is found liable in the death of chris mendez). malapit nang matapos ang deal or no deal. the father of dindin palma went to nbi to formally ask for their help in investigating the case.

7) mag-isa ako umuuwi ngayon. my constant pauwi-mates are in plc.

8) why did we ever push for that exit interview program? we're now officially flooded with interviews. hay....good thing good looking people are resigning every now and then =)

9) high school is really fun. no matter which school you went to. the experiences are almost the same.

10) christmas is getting near. im excited to see christmas lights and hear christmas songs once again. hmmm...ano kaya magandang panregalo?

11) hindi ko na nakikita si beatles crush :(

12) on a serious note, chris mendez was such a huge loss. i just finished watching "probe" and one segment featured his death. more than the things that marvic leonen was saying, i was more concerned with his mother and his brother. probe interviewed his brother and he was recounting the pain seeing chris' swollen arms and bruised body. i could feel his mother's grief. the weeping during the funeral was really hearthwrenching. sayang. another soul lost from such senseless death. another shattered dream. sayang. kahit mukhang suntok sa buwan, sana man lang magkaroon ng hustisya sa pagkamatay nya.

its that time of the year again

its the start of the christmas season once again! merry christmas!

two years ago...

this is exactly how i feel. :p now, i could only smile at the thought

"I am a masochist. I hunger for pain. I inflict pain in my heart hoping that this could either heal me or at least numb me.

After more than a year of being apart, I have not totally healed. Im still hurting. I know that we could not be together and if given the chance that I will be forced to choose to be with him or not, I think I will choose not being with him. But why am I still hurting.

Iam hurting because i have not totally let go. I am hurting because I am still bitter. I am hurting because there was no closure. I am hurting because we ended up in a standstill. I am hurting because everything seemed so vague and it ended up abruptly. I am hurting because I misread him. I am hurting because there were no apologies. I am hurting because there were no explanations. I am hurting because he seems to be happy with her while I m here all by myself. I am hurting because I thought that he cares for me and would be sensitive of my feelings but it seems like he is not. But more than anything, I am hurting because I was wrong about him. "

all is well

its over. finally, im done. i just finished reading book 7. fine! i wont write anything about the story so as not to spoil the excitement of those who are still reading it.

yeah, its a good book. harry's saga had a good ending. but the epilogue was too good that it bordered to 'cornballism'

reading the last book was really quite an experience. its not for the frailhearted. ok, i might be exaggerating but, hey thats how it was for me. i was into tears after reading just a few chapters. the 'escape' to the burrow was really a page-turner, and so was every part of their journey. i think that the start of the battle at hogwarts was a bit funny though. well...

finally, its over. all is well.

harry potter fans, no more book launching to look forward to. no more anticipation. gone were the days when we would ask about reservations at national or powerbooks or fully booked. we all have the complete set now, nesting in our bookshelves waiting to be summoned again. accio, book 1!

------------------------

its also over. after 5 long years, my phone, together with my sim, finally gave up. just like my hypothesis about harry and voldemort, the 2 tried to outlast each other. but here, both gave up. so im back to my pre-cellphone days. i dont know when would i buy a new one but im sure not in the next few days. it actually feels quite good not to have a phone =) no distractions

despedida

huuyy, picture daw. tingnan nyo, si pinky tsaka si mau lang nakatingin.

o ayan, may energy na sina dangs at nanie. kaya lang etong kamay ni mau, panira.

o eto na talaga

eto ang despedida ni pinkee aka blue aka mara *wink wink* evil grin*

hulaan nyo kung anong paboritong kulay nya.

see you around pinks!

may dahilan kung bakit ko pinost to....

kasi nakita ko ulit si beatles crush ko! haha

grabe hirap talaga pag windang sa buhay. makapag-aral na nga =)

sabado sa cubao

we had our surprise party for dez last saturday and im glad the gang was complete. we had dinner at bellini's where olie took nice shots and coffee at gj where he took more nice shots. we had our usual 'presentation of gifts' and laughed our hearts out at the special gift from the 3. artistic abilities were put to test with the scrapbook making contest which, of course, lala aced. we stayed there until the crew told us that they were about to close.

after a looooong prodding, lala finally agreed to take us to pasig where we drank and talked till morning. peer pressure worked for kim that time so we had free breakfast at jollibee. but it was only 530 in the morning and breakfast wont be served until 6. nice! so we waited again and after some time, we finally had breakfast.

it was a nice way to spend the weekend. after about a year or 2, we were again complete. and we had nice photos to remind us about the fun that night =)

tinedyer

may crush ako ngayon. noong lunes, nakasabay ko sya sa fx at magkatabi kami sa likod. kaya lang, ginawa nya akong tigapaypay. hmpf! kakainis kasi si mamang drayber, hindi inaayos ang sasakyan kaya ayan tuloy, ang hina ng aircon sa likod. magmula yata cubao hanggang makati, hindi ako tumigil sa kakapaypag.

anyway, mabalik tayo kay crush. hindi sya gwapo. hindi ka magsesecond look dahil sa mukha nya kundi dahil sa get-up nya. laging naka-jeans at naka-rubber shoes. hindi sneakers ha, yung rubber shoes na mukhang pangbadminton. tapos madalas na naka-batik na shirt at naka-backpack. tapos naka-earphones. ironically, ayoko kay jake cuenca pero narealize ko kamukha pala nya. argh!

una ko syang napansin nung makatabi ko sya sa sasakyan. pagkatapos yun noon ng UAAP championship between ateneo at ust. may hawak kasi syang inquirer na nakabandera sa sports section ang pagkapanalo ng ust. sabi ko sa isip ko, uy nagbabasa sya ng dyaryo. medyo maayos ang suot nya noon, jeans at shirt na may collar. tapos napansin ko ang buhok nya, buhok beatles. sabi ko, hmmm kakaiba. kasi sa pila, ang mga lalaki, nakaMakati get-up: plantsadong pantalon, plantsadong long sleeves at makintab na leather shoes. eh syempre ako, i have an eye for people who dare to be different.

tapos ayon, lagi ko syang nakakasabay sa pila pag medyo late na ako. pero lately, maaga na ako pumapasok kaya hindi ko na sya nakikita. kaya natuwa ako noong lunes. hindi ko nga napansin na nasa likod ko pala sya. nakita ko na lang sya noong pasakay na ako at sya ang kasunod ko. hay, kilig! gusto ko tuloy kumanta ng...

love, love, love
there's nothing you cant do that cant be done
nothing you cant sing that cant be sung
nothing that you cant say but you cant learn how to play the game
its easy........

all you need is love
all you need is love

minsan...

aalis na si blue. magreresign na din si green guru. si henyo gustong lumipat. si kulot naman, nasa puso talaga ang paglipad. si kanang-kamay, naiisip na din ang pag-alis. sa tingin ko, pati sina prinsesa at pintasera din. sabi ni dory, nalulungkot siya kasi paunti-unti nang lumiliit ang kulto. ako man nalulungkot.

naaalala ko ang mga panahng pinag-uusapan lang namin sa hapag-kainan ng j5 ang pag-alis. at bago pa man namin mamalayan,isa-isa na naming tinahak ang landas upang harapin ang mga panibagong hamon ng aming kanya-kanyang buhay.

sabi ko nga kay dory, ganoon siguro talaga paglipas ng panahon. hindi maiiwasan ang pagbabago na minsan ang kaakibat ay pagsasarili ng mga magkakaibigan.

kasabay ng paglawak ng ating mundo ang pagbuo ng mga bagong samahang magiging bagong kaagapay sa pagtahak sa buhay. at ang magiging batayan nga ng magandang samahan ay ang kakayahang mapanatili ang ugnayan. totoo nga, ang mahalaga ay hindi ang patutunguhan kundi ang mga karanasan at ang mga kaibigang nakasama sa paglalakbay.



ngunit ngayon, kay bilis maglaho ng kahapon
sanay's huwag kalimutan ang ating mga pinagsamahan
at kung sakaling gipitin ay laging iisipin
na minsan tayo ay naging
tunay na magkaibigan
---minsan, eraserheads