Welcoming 2014 as an adult

my $2 notebook for 2013

This year, my plans are pretty personal which makes it awkward for a public platform. But I strongly feel about a few things that so Im writing them down here.

To STOP READING PSYCHOLOGICAL/SELF-HELP articles/blogs/books. Except for Mark Manson’s.  I think a huge part of 2013’s challenges were due to these stuff.  I wanted to become a better person so I read those kinds of literature.  But at the end, I realised that they were not for me.  Sure, I may have picked up a thing or two.  But for the most part, the effect on me was not what I hoped for.  I became cautious and paranoid about some of my interactions because I was always thinking of how my action would impact on other people.  I became more judgmental on myself and other people because I was trying to label people based on those books’ categories.  (this is my biggest problem with self-help books. They put people into boxes and put label as if the personality of an individual can be summed up in just one label.  They tell you to stay away from such and such kind of people and be like this and that that you sometimes tend to forget who you really are).   And I didn’t like that.  I prefer hanging out with people because I genuinely like them and not because I could get something from them or they could help me with something.  And I will still hang out with sad people because if positive/normal people (pun intended) would always avoid them, what good does it do?  Which brings me to the point that Mark Manson’s blog is an exception.  Because he stresses that it’s ok to be sad, and critical, and imperfect, and flawed at times because that’s life. We cant always be happy, and positive, and perfect! And that’s perfectly ok!

Deal with things that I have been putting off for a few years now.  I have to prove to myself that I can deal with life.  Avoiding difficult situations in my 20s can be forgiveable.  But I think that doing the same in my 30s is a bit off. I will forever be stuck in a 20s mind set if I keep on doing such.  And it is a terrible  injustice to the One who has been giving me countless number of chances.

To write something about living abroad/being an OFW.  Not about one of those how-travel-has-changed-my-life stories but about living outside of the country itself.  And have it published in Rappler, or Inquirer, or somewhere where articles are screened by an editor.  I know that I can write decent materials but I never considered myself as a very good writer.  So when I heard straight from my boss’ mouth that I write very good *blush* (I can be gullible about compliments), I thought that hey, I need to be more serious about this skill and improve it J

To publish at least one blog post in a week

Learn something technical that could help me with my job.  Be it in writing, or advanced Excel analysis, or coding, or LaTeX. As long as it is something technical that I can write in my CV.

Build a decent wardrobe.  Since maybe half or 2/3 of what I wear are my sister’s clothes, I think that it is time that I buy my own.

To limit idle weekends to at least once a month.  I have had weekends that didn’t feel like weekends at all because  I was busy.  And I also had those which I cherished because I did nothing but listen to bossa nova-jazz mixes on 8tracks.  But I noticed that if I have the latter in two consecutive weeks, it doesn’t feel so good at all.  So, I better minimize it.

So there, may 2014 be a productive, happy, sad, big, and perfectly ok year!

2013: The year that was

This post was inspired by a video that teaches bullet journaling.  It’s a mundane one but it had a profound effect on me because it helped me look at last year with fresher eyes and plan concrete actions on what to do for this year.

So what happened last year?  Well, except for the lovelife part, I managed to cross out a lot of items on my list. And realised a lot of things about life.

I deliberately chose to do more activities.  I volunteered to teach – something which I have long been wanting to do even when I was still in Manila but wasn’t able to do since I didn’t have time.  I did pilates, kickboxing, pilates again and continued swimming.

I started building up my emergency fund.  And I even placed a decent amount in my investment portfolio even if my plan was just to read about it.  This is one of my main achievements for the past year because this event did not just teach me about money but also taught me about empowerment, helping out, giving back, and faith.

I underwent an executive medical check and found out that Im in pretty good shape.  Aside from the occasional fevers, I have never been sick in my entire life so the idea of going through a comprehensive medical screening sometimes freaks me out.  So when some people were telling me that I was losing weight, I became anxious and thought that I may be sick.  And then I started to feel things and became anxious about dying (yeah, the brain is a really powerful tool).  And then I realised that I don’t wanna die just yet and prayed really hard that if Im healthy, Ill get rid of all my useless anxiety and be more useful to the world instead.  So to get rid of my anxiety, I closed my eyes and called up St. Lukes. One week later, I found out that there was nothing to worry about.

I went to Australia!  Actually, the Aussie trip was not just a travel feat for me.  In fact, I went not primarily for traveling but to take a break and refill my ‘love tank’.  Two weeks of being with family and nature, and having had daily doses of hugs and kisses from my niece and nephew, and the feeling of being taken care of as a younger sister again, provided that much needed boost of energy.  Being in a new environment also made me refocus on what really matters in the long run.  Furthermore, the trip made me realise that traveling is a way for me to relax, but will never be my life goal.  Yes, I would still like to see new places, meet new people, explore new cultures and food but that would be ON THE SIDE and will not be my sole purpose in life.

On relationships, I realised that one really needs to be strong as a person to start and to maintain one. I think. (Im such a late bloomer) One has to decide and choose to do it, otherwise, it will never happen.  Sometimes the magic moment doesn’t present itself in an obvious manner but cloaks itself with ‘ordinariness’.   It doesn’t matter if you have full knowledge of all the pros and cons – cos you’ll never reach that stage anyway.  Difficult, awkward situations are abound.  And they’re perfectly ok.

Professionally, I think that I became more serious in what I do because I wanted to become a better researcher.  There was no pressure from someone else.  Or on a second thought, I think it’s the idea that I could lose my job anytime which drove me to do better in what I do.  And after I made that decision, I noticed that my job was better than what I thought it to be at first.  The professional growth is still in question but knowing the social significance of my work helped me a lot in doing my everyday tasks.  Looking at the same data over and over again also taught me to be more patient and responsible. Because that’s life anyway, we can run away from difficult and boring things in the short-term but they will always come back to haunt us and we will have no other recourse but to face them.  So it’s better to face them head on when they come the first time.  So that you’ll get used to them and become better the next time you have those encounters.  I think Im becoming a bit cryptic here but I hope you get what I want to say.

We can always plan our lives but let’s also welcome surprises.  I read this from Conrado de Quiros and I think it makes a lot of sense.  He wrote about it in a political aspect but I think it’s very helpful in shaping the way we approach the uncertainty of life.  He recalled that before the 2010 presidential election, Filipinos thought that the future of the nation was hopeless because we were certain that either Villar or Estrada will win.  But Aquino announced his bid and the rest was history.  (I voted for Gordon. I still wished that he won.  But seeing that Aquino’s victory brought a renewed sense of hope among Filipinos compelled me to agree with De Quiros’ point.  Although now, everything is debatable).  So lets plan but let’s also remember the fact that life and God has a lot of surprises for us.  If we feel down, let’s bank on those surprises.  If we feel that we are up there, let us wish for those surprises.  Certainly, they will help us keep our balance.

We should always give second chances. To durian. To indian food. And most importantly to ourselves and to other people because, well, we don’t always get it right the first time.

Ok. So my thoughts were pretty scattered in summing up last year’s events.  Maybe because 2013 was also complicated.  But maybe, my biggest realization is that, I should pat myself on the back because 2013 didn’t go to waste.  But it also showed me that the things that I have been busy with are the things that I imagined of doing ON THE SIDE.  I am not working on what I should have been FOCUSING ON. So, this year, I’ll work on that. And I hope that, I’ll have the courage, wisdom, right attitude, and faith to do that.

Thanks 2013.  It’s been fun.