Happy moments in class

Last Sunday, we had a revision of last meeting's lesson on adjusting window size, moving the window, scrolling up and down, etc.

One student was called in front to demonstrate how to adjust the window size.

I know this one has a problem with controlling the mouse.  She's not very comfortable with the mouse yet, sometimes she presses it too hard, sometimes too light. 

So when she was called, she knew what she has to do.

She positioned the arrow at the edge of the window but not enough to transform the pointer to a double-headed arrow.  She repositioned it again, and again, and again but she was having some trouble moving the mouse to the right place.  Then finally, the pointer became a double-headed arrow!  But she might have released it or something because when she moved the pointer, it went back to being a single-headed arrow.  It was a tension-filled moment.  All of us were silently hoping that she would make it.  And then finally, she did it! 

The room was full of applause haha And she breathed a sigh of relief. Whew!

Everyone was so proud of her :) The main teacher, Edwin, and I were so proud of her too. 

Ganito siguro maging teacher haha

Fix You

A song that always inspires :)

uncertainty

today, i surrendered my pass and medicard to hr.  they've also punched a hole on my staff card although they said i could still use it until my access have been cancelled.  it was a sad time.

i remember that i had the same experience when i surrendered my student pass a year ago. surrendering that card was not just a simple act. senti na kung senti but i felt that was symbolic of surrendering the end of a chapter. but of course welcoming a new one.

one year of working here had been challenging. 

after finishing my masters, it took a month for me to be called for an interview. and a day after that to be offered the job. but the actual contract didnt come until after 6 weeks. and it took some more weeks before i got to formally start working.

while waiting for all the papers to be processed, i was having second thoughts if i made the right choice.  my school was offering me a more stable job, with an opportunity for a part-time work while waiting for the papers to be done. but i chose this. because i was so keen on doing real academic research at that time.

finally, april came.  i started working on the 19th.  first day was not what you would call an ideal first day of work.  people seemed to not know that i was supposed to start work that day. but i just smiled. i was that cool headed before.

adjusting to the workplace was not easy. i came from a large office where people would chatter nonstop. that place where smile was so generously given. where you could just hug anyone if you feel down. where you could just grab anyone if you wanted to vent. although yes, most of the time, it's the same people who annoys you :)

but this was so different. people seem nice but reserved.  we would say hi to each other on the hallway. or have occasional chats.  but i had a tough time connecting. maybe it's the language. maybe it's the culture. i had a tough time adjusting. 

a month after i started work, my boss went on a two-month leave. his wife was going to give birth. so work was light. i had a lot of free time. something which i was not used to. and sometimes, too much free time gave me stress.

when my boss came back, i was excited.  i felt like we're gonna go full-on busy with the project.  we scheduled a meeting to talk about our activities for the project.  and then his sudden passing happened.

i felt uncertain right that very point. i felt a warm paralyzing energy passing through my entire body.  i couldnt believe it. my head was filled with questions. is this true?  what happened to him?  what will happen to me?  will i be out of job this soon?  i wasnt ready to lose my job. i had only been working for a few months.

but the school assured me. im gonna keep my job. there will be changes though. im gonna be transferred back to my school. and i felt excited.

but the process took so long.  and during that entire time, i was anxious.  i dont know what happened with my ability to handle stress. i was so good at handling stress before. why cant i handle stress now?

i struggled to keep myself calm.  it was a conscious decision. i was forcing my mind not to wander too far and focus on today.

at the start of this month, i finally signed my contract with my school. but a few weeks after, they had to make some changes with the contract. there was an issue with the funding agency. it was frustrating. and scary too.

so now, i know i shouldnt worry too much. i have a new contract. but it will take a few weeks to process all the documents.  i know that everything will be fine. i pray that to God everyday. and i trust that it's all gonna be fine. that after a month or two, il just look back on this day and laugh at my sillyness.

but it's just so damn tough to be in this moment. this moment of uncertainty.

Beauty

http://youtu.be/litXW91UauE

I've seen this in Facebook a few months back but I didnt click it thinking it was just another one of those beauty ads.  But I saw it again on Patty Laurel's blog and I clicked it.  And Im glad I did.

Yes, we have to remember that we are all beautiful. And yes, it's a marketing campaign but I really admire Dove's campaigns on beauty.  I remember they had another one about the color of the skin, and the weight of the person. And now, our own perception versus that of another's person.  Of course this does not apply to everyone.  Some people may be confident about how they look, about how they are as a person.  But yeah, I think this social experiment brought up what many women are struggling with, the confidence in their appearance, and the confidence in themselves.

Thanks Dove.

that story: part 1

on their way to dinner at the usual place, one of her friends ask him to join them.  he declined saying he had a previous commitment. he and his friends will go some place to eat, as part of a food trip thing that they have.  she thought hey, this is a cool guy, he loves food.

one time, after class, they were walking with their usual group.  the girl has what her friends call a dry sense of humour. she likes sarcastic jokes. and during that time, they were both laughing from the sarcastic jokes that they were exchanging.

there was an afternoon when the girl came late to their class. her friends from home were in town so she accompanied them somewhere before coming to class. she just had a henna tattoo on her leg.  when she came to class, the prof was already on his chair, talking. there was no available seat on the side of the room so she walked directly to the back, with her head bent, looking on the floor. but she saw on her peripheral vision that the guy was looking at her from the time she entered the room until she reached that seat on the back.

she doesnt know what happened but regular dinners with their classmates became a staple. after their friday class, they would always go out to eat.  being the wide-eyed student who was still very enthusiastic about her experience as a foreign student, she enjoyed those dinners.  she doesnt talk that much but she always laughs at comments and jokes she found funny. when asked, she would gladly share her thoughts about her culture, politics and her experiences in her school. 

the guy on the other hand was articulate. he seemed free-spirited and funny. he laughs a lot.

before the semester ended, he planned for a sem-ender thing for the class. so he asked for her number. no big deal.

there were political rallies happening during that time. the country was soon having a big election and the opposition seemed to be gaining popularity. one of their classmates was running for public office. it was an exciting time for the place. she wanted to go and see for herself how things were. she asked her classmates, including him. but in the end she didnt manage to go because she fell sick.  he didnt know she was sick. thinking that she went, he texted her, asking how her experience was. and they ended having a long conversation about politics.

during their sem-ender dinner, they were seated at the opposite ends of the table.  it was a good night. everybody had a good time.  they transferred to a beer place. she was looking at the shelf, inspecting the beers and he was kidding her about her alcohol intake.  she playfully hit him on her arm, like how she does with her guy friends.  on the beer table, they sat opposite each other. she was teasing him about his facial washing habits.  she thought he might be gay.

for the summer break, she was out of town for a monthlong trip. and she stayed in her country for the rest of the break.  he wished her well before she left. 

connecting

i find listening to people opening up to me quite therapeutic. I know it sounds weird, or even condescending for some, but it's true. and i mean it. maybe it's because of the fact that listening to their stories make me realize that we are all the same. we all have our issues and it's ok to cry. unloading is a normal part of the process. that there's nothing wrong with being weak. maybe because by helping them process what they're going through, i also make sense of what im experiencing. by talking, i get to listen to my rational voice. by telling them to calm down, im also telling myself to calm down. chill. relax. it's gonna be fine.

excitement!

something to look back to when i feel down

hello there, excitement. we havent met in a long while. glad that you're back :)

it's true, i havent felt genuinely excited about anything for a long time. yes, there are those moments when i would feel excited because i should feel excited and not because i really feel it. ok im mumbling.

what im excited about.

1. im gonna see kulasa and bugoy soon
2. side trip and the idea of roaming around in that city on my own
3. things could happen. things are possible. i just have to be patient and trusting
4. financial literacy
5. % greens to become double digits
6. giving back
7. a friend's one-day visit here

change

i used to write what i felt with total disregard of how it sounded like. i didnt care whether it would sound right. or silly. or offensive. and yet when reading those posts now, i can feel the heart in it.

now, i feel that i have unconsciously changed into someone who thinks a hundred times first if what im gonna say or write is politically correct. and oftentimes, id get lost in the process. or id fall into the trap of indecision causing me to just abandon my thoughts and leave them there, unresolved. or id write what i think is correct even if i feel otherwise.

im not sure if it's a good or bad thing.

i noticed though that because of this - i feel lke im writing without a heart. rants are still expressed but only after way too much thinking instead of just typing them directly. i dont know if this is what you call maturity. or sensitivity. or emotional castration.

a few weeks ago, my former colleague sent me one of my old mails to them, written when i was still new here. she said she found it after rummaging through her emails and she didnt stop from laughing while reading it. i was also laughing while reading it because it was so funny. so raw and filled with politically incorrect thoughts. reading it made me see the excited and free-spirited self/writer that i once was, filled with life and enthusiasm about what's happening around. genuinely interested and uninterested about her surroundings at the same time.

i miss that aspect of me.