this is exactly how i feel. :p now, i could only smile at the thought
"I am a masochist. I hunger for pain. I inflict pain in my heart hoping that this could either heal me or at least numb me.
After more than a year of being apart, I have not totally healed. Im still hurting. I know that we could not be together and if given the chance that I will be forced to choose to be with him or not, I think I will choose not being with him. But why am I still hurting.
Iam hurting because i have not totally let go. I am hurting because I am still bitter. I am hurting because there was no closure. I am hurting because we ended up in a standstill. I am hurting because everything seemed so vague and it ended up abruptly. I am hurting because I misread him. I am hurting because there were no apologies. I am hurting because there were no explanations. I am hurting because he seems to be happy with her while I m here all by myself. I am hurting because I thought that he cares for me and would be sensitive of my feelings but it seems like he is not. But more than anything, I am hurting because I was wrong about him. "
3 comments:
sino itoh?!
relate ako mudra! how you felt was exactly how i felt for a year. then, one day something just hit me. i don't know what. i can't say i've truly healed since healing is a lifelong process. but now, i'm ready to take the plunge again.
ika nga ni Nietzsche di ba, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." take your time and use this time to be more connected with yourself and learn more about other people. of course, love yourself more. ingats! miss you mudra! :)
jusko eyva, sino pa ba hehe nagbabasa kasi ako ng lumang journal ko at nabasa ko ito :p
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true lola jelax! you dont feel completely healed kahit sabihin mong ok ka na. maybe because of the scar :p
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