sympathy

august 1, 2009 (saturday)

i first heard about her death at the shuttle on my way to work that saturday morning. there was a drizzle. i was seated right behind the driver. since it was a saturday, there was just a few of us in the bus. one was a girl at the chair beside me. another was a guy behind me. plus maybe 2 or 3 more people. there were a few more minutes to spare before the scheduled departure of the shuttle. the shuttle's driver and the girl beside me were chatting. first about some girl they both knew. then the girl said, "patay na si cory no?".

i wasnt surprised. when kris said on the buzz that she was taking a leave from her shows and that they were praying not for a cure but for their mom not to feel pain, people somehow deduced that the time is near. i had the same feeling. she had a full life. maybe its her time to rest.

i texted my sister who was still at home about the news. and she texted back saying yes, she saw it on tv.

when i got to work, the same routine continued. my officemates and i only had a short chat about it. no long discussions as we used to have when something big in the news breaks out. but as the morning progressed, i checked the news. and read article after article. and i had goosebumps.

on the way to the mrt station, phia and i were chatting about cory. what we read and what we heard on tv. anecdotes from teddy boy locsin and jiggy cruz, stories about the malacanang photographer and the cans of maling when traveling abroad, etc etc. and i had more goosebumps.

august 2, 2009 (sunday)

while jogging around circle, panyero, mimi and i were talking about here. more stories were told and more respect for the woman given.

that afternoon, i was glued on tv. from the noon's news on anc until the afternoon's showbiz news on the buzz. i suspended rationality and cynicism. i listened to kris talk and share how their family prepared and dealt with their mom's death. i cried with her as she recounted how painful it was to see their mom in pain and to gradually succumb to death.

august 3, 2009 (monday)

i went to work with puffy eyes. we talked about the interview at the buzz. while reading news, i cant stop my eyes from getting wet. ate and i were emailing each other. i told her mimi and i were planning to go to manila cathedral. she said she would if she was here. at work, she's watching some of the videos from the interview. she was reading some of the articles. but she's restraining herself from crying because it would be embarassing for her to be seen by her officemates crying especially since they were not filipino. the night before, her boyfriend was puzzled why she's crying. so she gave a crash course on philippine history. and andres became an instant fan of tita cory.

august 4, 2009 (tuesday)

tin, phia and i left the office at around 530pm. it will be a long night.

we took the shuttle until buendia and rode an fx from there. on the way, we could see street hawkers selling yellow ribbons. didnt get to ask how much those ribbons were though. this one gamely posed for the camera but my shutter was slow. nakalingon na si manong when this picture was taken. the fx passed through roxas boulevard and since traffic was light, we were at intramuros at around 630.

when we got to the cathedral, there were no lines so we though god, were lucky. the cathedral was beautiful, with yellow lights making its facade look so beautiful.

we went to the side were the people were gathered and asked where the end of the line was. and they said its at the back of PLM. ayos! it turned out, the people infront of the cathedral were there to hear mass. theyre not going inside the cathedral. most of them were students. some were wearing ust uniforms, others i cant recognize. whether they were there because they were told to go or not, its good to see them there. its good to see teeners (anubayan, parang ang tanda ko na) go to something 'historical'. its good to see them going out of their way to participate in something beyond their daily concerns.

we left the cathedral to go to PLM. we havent walked far when rain started pouring. and im not talking about a shower. it was heavy rain. but we continued and walked to the side of the plaza gobernador turning left heading for the back seeking shelter under our jackets and umbrellas. after a few minutes, the rain stopped but we were already wet.

the end of the line was beyond PLM. i dont know which street that was until i saw patio victoria. and there were 2 lines. we didnt know which line was the real one. so we took the right one, which turned out was the wrong one.

we got to the end of the line around 7. and more people were lining up after us. it was a bit dark at the street were we were. it also seemed like there was a drainage somewhere nearby because the smell was so bad. under normal circumstances, i wouldnt have stayed there. but that was no normal circumstance. so there we waited with other people. students and teachers, office workers and homemakers. all of us waited patiently in line. all the time, i was texting my sister asking where she was. and it seems she got to the line ahead of us.

waiting for the first hour was no sweat. people were chatting, exchanging stories. some were there as early as 4, some as early as 2. street hawkers must have earned a little higher than their usual income selling food from balot, peanuts, pop corn to taho and chips. there were also those who were selling umbrellas, pins and shirts.

when we got to PLM, we had the second heavy downpour. a real downpour with wind. so again, we got more wet. plm opened its gates to those who would want to answer the call of nature. we met chinee there, still in her school uniform. we waited there for 2 hours. the group behind us could no longer wait so they left. the line was moving at a really slooooowww pace. when we moved to the other side of the school, the sisters could no longer wait. tin and chinee went ahead. phia and i stayed behind. we knew that the public viewing resumes after the mass. but it was already late yet the line wasnt progressing. and the rain wasnt helping. like the line, the rain also pours, stops, and resumes.

it was around 1030 when the heavy downpour resumed. as in malakas! and the lines were already dissolved. but people knew who used to be in line and who were not. slowly the crowd moved. it was like 5 steps forward and then halt. 5 more steps forward and then halt. no matter if you're walking in flood or in pavement, that was the routine, 5 steps forward and then halt. when we got in front of plm, it progressed to a few more steps and then halt. the rain didnt stop so phia and i were stooping down to have our umbrella lower than anyone else so that their umbrellas would not get to our shoulders. we were moving at that routine for a few more minutes. we were trying to go to the side so that we could move easier but if youre in the middle of that mob, moving out of it would be really hard. imagine being at the cubao station of the mrt at 8am plus the rain. the crowd was like that but a bit gentler. they were not really pushing you but somehow, there's a sort of 'human tide'.

when we finally got to the sidewalk, we headed where the crowd was going. and logically, we went ahead of our group. when we rejoined the mob, nagmukha kaming sumingit na lang sa grupo. but we didnt care.we got to the middle of the crowd again and regained our pace. we couldnt see where we were. finally, the rain stopped when we got to san agustin. and this was where the security personnel and the marshalls started screened us in. there were mmda fences and they were letting people in by 1s. and at the second security filter, we were again rearranged into 2s. this time, the line was already moving fast.

and then, there was the door. it was at the side of the church. phia and i stayed at the left side so that we could see cory's face. people inside were pleasant. the marshalls were guiding the people and conversing with them. seeing that the people were wet, they were expressing their utmost gratitude. ate vi was there with ralph and ryan. ai ai and boy were with kris. they were all seated at the front pew.

when i got to see cory, i couldnt recognize her. no matter how hard i was trying to recognize familiar features such as the nose and the cheeks, i still couldnt see that. the lady inside the coffin was so thin. so petite. her face was so thin. her fingers were just like skin and bones. that moment i felt the pain of the family. this is their mother. this petite, thin lady inside the coffin who looked so frail was our president. this lady who inspired a lot of people into a life of righteousness, courage and prayer is gone and im so glad i saw her despite her body being lifeless.

august 5, 2009 (tuesday)

despite sleeping late, i got up at 8am and turned on the tv. they were showing live feeds from the manila cathedral. jose ramos horta was seated beside fidel ramos. the family, celebrities, dignitaries and of course, politicians were there. what struck me was when the estrada family got inside, they were all wearing shades. no one in the family was wearing shades. made me feel like hey, ano kayo, diva?

the mass was moving. most of the pal peeps were online and we were popping each other once in a while. and all of us were, what else, crying. fr arevalo gave a very good homily. that for me was the highlight of the mass. after his sermon, i was jokingly telling phia that i wish he's my spiritual adviser too (as if :D). and she told me that was dangs wish too. bishop soc's speech i think was recycled (correct me if im wrong). kris' response was a tearjerker. the climax was when she thanked each of her siblings and told anecdotes which gave us a glimpse of their individual roles in the family.

after the mass, im glad that the anc relegated the songs to the background. they became background songs for the funeral march. it felt different when the apo led singing the 'handog ng pilipino sa mundo'. yes, its really good to be pinoy. paminsan minsan lang tayo nagiging mayabang sa mundo tungkol sa ating pagiging pinoy and though i was just 4 when edsa 1 happened, im proud it happened in my generation's lifetime.

cory was my childhood president. hers is the picture i used to see in our classroom when i was in grade school. she was the president when we studied about philippine presidents in hekasi. i knew handog ng pilipino sa mundo because we used to have an apo casette tape and that song was part of that album.

when i got a bit older and slowly learned about things, ninoy became my hero. yes no one beats rizal but ninoy was different because his heroism was more 'real' for me because he lived in my lifetime. every august 21, when tv shows would relive his cause and how he died, i get teary-eyed.

now, i learned to respect not only ninoy but also cory. comparing her presidency with the current and other past presidents, im glad that she was my childhood president because at least, the president i got to know has the respect of the people. as a child, i know that government leaders should be respected and are called honorables and comparing them with the current breed of so-called leaders and public servants now, im glad that i had my childhood then.

in the past few days, watching old tv interviews of cory and hearing stories from people made me respect her more. she's a smart lady. she speaks eloquently and calmly (with due credit to teddy boy locsin for the very good speeches). in her interview with dong puno for ninoy's 23rd death anniversary, she proved that she's not the typically 'simple' lady that people tell she is. she has a lot of wisdom, doesnt exaggerate and corrects wrong assumptions at once. during the interview, kris was talking about her dad owning a lot of books and asked her mom how many books she thinks her dad read. cory answered i dont know but a lot. kris suggested about a thousand and cory said ndi naman. she could have just said yes but opted not to cos she knows its not true hehe

taking into consideration all that she and the family has been through, it would be hard not to admire her. and also the family. with all the brouhaha about gma's unwelcome visit to the wake as well as the marcoses, the family's reaction to these has has been put into bad light. i read negative comments about kris and noynoy having worse values than the marcoses especially when they spoke their real feelings about these things (noynoy saying no to a reconciliation and kris refusing to answer when asked if the president is welcome) or about kris taking advantage of her mother's death to increase abs' ratings. i cant help but feel sorry for the people who wrote that and who think that way. ironically malicious yet self-righteous. kung sila kaya ang namatayan ng tatay, or who grew up in the way the aquino children did, not having their parents fully to themselves, maybe they could have acted worse. its just so unfair to expect the aquino children to just say yes to everyone who say peace to them just because their mom is dead. their parents, and indirectly even they, have given a lot for this country whether thats hope, inspiration, the notion of noble public service or even freedom, depending on the perspective one is taking. and maybe the least that we could do as a sign of gratitude and respect to cory is to sympathize with her children.

its past 12 midnight and the feature is still about cory. im still watching.