mein geburtstag

this birthday is different. everything that has been happening for the past few months, weeks and more so for the past 3 days has been so overwhelming. and adapting to it is quite a challenge.

i was texting sezy dezy this morning telling her that i need a paradigm shift. she was telling me that man, ang seryoso! but, seriously, i badly need it. unconsciously, these things are bringing out my worse. and i dont like it. in fact, i hate it. i need to get back to the hopeful perspective, the perspective which makes me think that there's a positive side to this. and i belive that there is. i just hate the stage which im in right now. or better yet, at the stage where i was. hopefully, this new month will give me a renewed sense of patience, courage and inspiration.

my boss (who just resigned and is one of the reasons for the sadness im feeling now) texted me this "cherish the moment when we're empty but happy, tired but inspired, down but smiling, feeling lost but living for a cause". yesterday it was so hard for me to give a sense to this statement. everything that i was feeling were the emotions/state before the buts...empty, tired, down, feeling lost. i wanted to feel the emotions/state after the buts. but after reading my friends' messages (yihee ehem ehem), i felt happy, inspired, smiling and sige na nga, pati yung living for a cause part na din.

i have a friend who always asks me the reason for growing whenever sad changes occur. and i tell her because thats the way life is designed to be. we need to feel one side so that we could appreciate more the other side of that continuum. but sometimes, i myself am not convinced with my answer. but maybe thats the answer. so that we must continuously find an answer. or i dont know. wisdom, i hope i have more of this.

buti na lang may family and friends who keep me sane.

tomorrow is a new day. and i pray that its going to be a better day. despite the typhoon.

(friends, im rereading your messages na tinaktak mula sa bote ng alcohol. sobrang naappreciate ko hehe thanks thanks)