My friend Mitchie and I were on our way to another friend’s house when she asked me if I have heard about the Malaysian Airlines flight that suddenly disappeared two hours in its flight. I didn’t knew about it so she filled me in with the details. I felt that the most possible scenario was a crash somewhere remote, but scary and wild ideas also came into my mind.
We knew that the next days were filled with theorizing. I was also hungry for any new information that comes out and would read them in an instant. But common sense says that if no one can find them on land, they’re most probably be down there in the sea.
Even if I didn’t know anyone in that flight, and no Filipino was onboard, I felt a real and deep sadness for those who perished and for their families. I could imagine the anguish that they were in when no one could give them a definitive answer as to what have happened to their loved ones despite knowing that everyone is really doing their best to find the plane.
When I watched the Malaysian Prime Minister on a delayed TV broadcast last night, my heart was crushing for the families. On the one hand, I think the pronouncement was a good way to start the healing process. It was a definitive, despite painful, answer to the question as to what could have happened: we do not know but we can say that we’ve lost them. On the other hand, it’s also frustrating because no one still knows their whereabouts and what happened to them. I know how it is to lose a loved one in a ‘natural’ way. And losing a loved one in a sudden manner without any clue as to what happened to that person and where he or she is must be very terrible.
When my father died, I learned the importance of rituals in a very personal manner. For an outsider, they may just be an elaborate set of actions with no meanings but for me, I felt that the rituals helped a lot in the process of letting go. The wake was a daily reminder that one day, he has to physically leave and never to be seen again but at least, there was that chance to somehow have that feeling that you are together in the same room. And at least, you are being prepared to let go. And then, there was that moment when my mother got mad because we wanted to clean his cabinets and give away his clothes to our relatives. For her, giving away his clothes was letting go of him completely, in an instantaneous manner which, she wasn’t ready yet at that time.
But in this case of disappearance, how would the family say their goodbyes? In a cemetery or a columbarium, our departed loved ones has a “physical home”. Decades from now, I could say to my grandchildren where their grandfather physically is. I could physically introduce my future husband to my father just by going to the cemetery. Of course, it’s purely ceremonial but still, there’s a physical manifestation of him, a symbol that he was once here. But if you don’t know where exactly your loved one is, how could you do that?
I really hope that one day, no matter how long it will take, they will be found. Or at least, some parts of the aircraft will resurface.
And I pray that the families (and also the employees of the airline) find solace and closure eventually.
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