inspirasyon

ayan inspired na ko magsulat. inspired na ko gumawa ng paper. may nakita na kong source of energy. ang galing galing!

what drives you...

toxic

sana ako na lang si britney spears para ang ginagawa ko lang ngayon ay sumasayaw habang kumakanta ng

with the taste of your lips im on a ride, your toxic tongue slippin' on mine
with the taste of your poison paradise, im addicted to you dont you know that youre toxic

eto 4 na usapan sa ym ng mga magkakaibigan. 6 na taon pagkagraduate sa kolehiyo, ganito ang drama

usapan 1
wanda: tara sama ko (in response to atty's status message)
wanda: gusto ko na din matulog
notaryo publiko: yuck orgy na
notaryo publiko: andami dami ng sumama sa kin haha
wanda: yuck kadiri ka
wanda: ako matutulog lang
notaryo publiko: hahahahahaha
notaryo publiko:: come one come all!!
wanda: nasusuka na ko
wanda: ang toxic toxic ng sked ko!
wanda: argh
wanda: toxic na buhay to
notaryo publiko: tlga?
notaryo publiko: haaaaaay
notaryo publiko: lahat ata tyo ganito
notaryo publiko: anu ba ang trabaho na fun?
wanda: oo nga
wanda: travel writer
wanda: travel photographer
wanda: yun na bagong dream job ko
notaryo publiko: korek!!
notaryo publiko: ako wine taster
wanda: hmm ano pa ba
wanda: game tester
notaryo publiko: uhm sportscar test driver
wanda: hmmm sige seryoso, chef
notaryo publiko: ako rin chef
notaryo publiko: although pressure din yun
notaryo publiko: kasi panu kung walang kumain sa restaurant mo
wanda: oo nga
notaryo publiko: or madaming kumakain
wanda : syet na chef
notaryo publiko : wine taster na nga lang tlga ako
wanda: sige back to travel writer/photographer

usapan 2
wanda: nasusuka na ko
wanda: toxic
kimpossible: mas lalo ako
kimpossible: napaka pathetic
wanda: ano ba yan
wanda: lahat ng nakakausap ko toxic
kimpossible: wala pa kong naiimpake
wanda: bukas alis mo?
kimpossible: di p ako nagpplantsa at andito pa ko hanggang ngayon!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wanda: matulog ka na lang sa plane
wanda: sana magawa ko yan diba
wanda: kasi bihira ako makatulog sa plane eh
wanda: ganun
wanda: o fine
wanda: matulog ka sa airport

usapan 3
wanda: heya
henyo: im sooo stressed
wanda: ohmygod
wanda: everybody is stressed out
wanda: ano ba
wanda: wala ba kong makakausap na ndi stressed
wanda: i need postive energy
henyo: stress!!!
henyo: uy, bat nag-suicide taga-ppldt?

usapan 4, eto pinakamatindi sa lahat
....
sezy: dapat daw, mag react na ko, wag masaktan
wanda: tablahan ang gusto
sezy: hay
sezy: sabi nila patulan ko na daw
sezy: well ayoko may high blood
sezy: pero magkakasakit naman ako sa puso kung kikimkimin ko
sezy: ayun
sezy: haay ewan ko , ayoko na
sezy: gusto ko matulog at pag gising ko ok na lahat
sezy: pati yung papers ko

ayoko na...
i need positive energy
gusto ko ng good aura
gusto ko ako lang ang toxic
para ako lang ang magpakabampira
il suck everyone's energy out

sembreak

im exhausted. i just wanna go home and sleep. but i cant. i still have to finish my paper. hay...

come sunday, i promise, ill sleep the whole day. *huge sigh*

======

ang hirap magsimula. eto problema sa kin, kaylangan nasa mood bago magsulat. argh... sa mga panahong ganito, gusto kong maging robot para pag naka-on na ang button, sulat na agad. hay...

finals season

its finals season again. for students, at least for those who live in the spirit of procastination like me, it means tons of paper and a number of sleepless nights. it may also mean hibernation during weekends and becoming anti-social at least until the season ends.

for me it could also mean, ironically, a lot of blog entries. no, its not that i have the luxury of time for my babblings. its just that i turn on my laptop more often so the temptation to write is always there and more often than not, i give in to that temptation no matter how behind iam in my target number of pages for my papers.

for this semester, today is the last day of classes but i have 2 more weeks before my semester officially ends. we had our last class for 207.2. only half of the class showed up for our individual reports on how our papers are doing. kat is done with hers, everyone including me is not. buti na lang mabait si sir. he gave us non-graduating students 2 weeks to finish our papers and 10 annotated biblio. whew!
so for the next 2 weeks, i have to finish 3 major requirements. my thesis proposal for 299, my policy analysis paper for 207.2 and my annotated biblio also for 207.2. talking about a handfull.

=======

my sem is not yet over but im excited about november. im enrolling in that photography workshop! yahoo! im excited to learn and to use my camera according to how it should be used.

=========

i was browsing my archives when i stumbled upon this entry.

3 years later, eto na ako


discover your jack-o-lantern face @ quiz me
my jack-o-lantern face


find your inner PIE @ quizmeme.com
lime pa rin ako haha hindi pa rin nawawala kaweirduhan ko (sabi nga ng ibang kaibigan ko)


discover your dog breed @ quiz meme
at eto pa rin ako

i guess there's not been much change in the inner me

gi was a Sweet Musician in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

whoa! this one is nice

BLUE

You give your love and friendship unconditionally. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive.

Find out your color at QuizMeme.com!

amazing race

im watching the late night, err...dawn edition of the amazing race asia. good thing im on vl tomorrow. team philippines was the last team to leave since they placed last the previous week. though geoff is such an asshole, i hope they stay in the race.

btw, pangarap ko lang naman na makasali dito. haha

i want to write a longer entry but my body is failing me. im just so sleepy and tired. konti na lang matutumba na ko.

somewhere

pakiramdam ko pinipiga ang puso ko habang pinapanood si maria, kumakanta ng "there's a place for us, somewhere a place for us..hold my hand and we're almost there, hold my hand and il take you there" habang yakap yakap ang katawan ng walang buhay na si tony. whew!

nanood kami nina fifi at eyva ng west side story nung linggo at sa kabutihang-palad, si joanna ampil ang nataon sa amin bilang maria.

maganda ang mga reviews ng west side story kaya ang taas ng expectations ko sa dulang iyon. maganda nga naman sya. magaling si maria. magaling din sina bernardo at anita. ok naman si riff. kaya lang si tony, medyo nabigo ako kay tony. oo maganda ang boses nya. kaya nyang kumanta. kaya lang, ang pangit nyang gumalaw. halatang nag-aalangan. parang pigil. stiff.

at ang mga tao. ginagawang sinehan lang ang teatro. late pumasok. tayo ng tayo. ano ba! dula ito. live. hindi ka pwedeng pumasok kung kelan mo lang gusto at umalis sa bahagi ng palabas na inabutan mo.

pero sa kabuuan, maayos naman ang dula. natuwa pa rin naman ako. medyo natakot lang kami nang magkaroon ng break. iniisip kasi namin, baka biglang umakyat sa stage si jolina magdangal at sabihing "due to the physical and emotional stress that my cousin (gian as riff) is experiencing, we have to cut the play short". di ba?

birthday blues

the pal yuppies have this tradition that during birthdays, we all go out for lunch and treat the birthday celebrant to a sumptous meal. but now, there's an addition to that, birthday presents!

this is a replica of a cake but instead of having candles on it, tiny placards were stuck bearing messages from people at work. they call me an activist because i used to join rallies when i was in college and sometimes i write in pure filipino. the happy birthday "placard" on the right, stucked in that pink pencil case is our "birthday torch". pinagpapasa-pasahan lang ng mga nagbibirthday.

a macro shot of the long-stemmed rose they gave me. hindi ko kasi makunan ng maayos. on our way to lunch, polar bear and philboro broke away from the group and said they were just gonna buy something. and when we were ordering food, the rose just appeared from out of nowhere. kidding. i was looking at the menu so i didnt notice them coming in and i just looked up when i heard philboro singing happy birthday sabay abot ng luntiang dahon. they were supposed to buy a flower that matches the color of my shoes but since i was wearing green shoes that day and they didnt find any green flower, red roses na lang na may separate na green leaf ang binigay haha

needless to say, the girls masterminded this. im really not the girly girl type and they want to make me one so they bought this dress for me with an instruction, no a command, to wear it the next time we go out.

so glad to have a really sweet bunch of friends

shock and awe

around 1 this afternoon, i was on my way to school when i witnessed something unusual. i was walking along q. ave, just after the intersection of q.ave and edsa when i saw pedicab drivers rushing towards the gate securing the vacant lot in that area (eton centris). at first, i thought there were just playing but noticing the serious look in their faces plus the fact that they were all looking at a point at my back made me think that that was something else. it took just a few seconds before i noticed an approaching blue truck from my peripheral view. and then it just hit me (not physically though), this is one of those MMDA road/sidewalk clearing operations!

everything happened in less than a minute or so. i just stopped there and watched in surprise from the time the MMDA personnel jumped from the truck to the time they were running after the pedicab drivers who were running with their pedicabs in tow, and chasing the sole sidewalk vendor selling boiled bananas who left her bag which i assume contains some of her goods. that bag didnt go unnoticed and was eventually confiscated. the vendor even attempted to recover her bag from those MMDA guys but of course, her attempts were futile.

seeing her desperate face was like watching those drama movies they play in cinema one. you cant help but think how important that bag is for her. baka madami pa syang paninda dun. ang bigat pala sa dibdib. personally, i agree with bayani fernando's effort to clear the sidewalk from vendors as long as they are provided with alternative places to sell their goods. but seeing that scene with my own two eyes made me cringe. im not really for law enforcement. hanggang plano lang ako. my heart is too weak for those situations. its hard seeing people's faces full of desperation.

i remember one threat of email exchanges we had at the office recently. it started with polar bear's email about the accidental boob exposure of an old lady in wowowee and my expressed disgust at the show which eventually led to talks about porverty, the government and global warming. all of them had the same line of thinking that poverty is a result of one's indolence and that the poor should not blame the president, or the government for that matter, for their shabby state.

desperately, i tried to point out that im not glorifying the poor and they really should not blame everything on the government but some of the social, economic and political structures and the failure of the programs implemented by the government for the alleviation of proverty make the president accountable for the massive poverty in the country. that incident earlier was a testament that sometimes, no matter how hard you work your ass off, you still cant cant out from your current situation because structures prevent you to do so.

in sociology, there's a famous article written by c.w.mills entitled the sociological imagination. i read it when i was in first or second year because its one of basic reading materials that every student is required to read. one of the main points of that article was on distinguishing private troubles from social issues. mills said that for example, in a town with a population of 100, only one person is unemployed, unemployment in that case is a private trouble of that individual. but if a lot of people, say 50, is unemployed, then thats a social issue. same case in the country. if 70% of your people falls below the poverty line, then the poor cant be solely blamed for their condition.

==============

i wrote this in a scratch paper when i was having lunch at mcdo. i was surprised to learn that a 1-piece chicken meal with large orange juice already costs 94 pesos. grabe...

la vida rosa..of weirdness and other stuff

my bosses and i were talking this afternoon about the recent pmap when they mentioned kidlat tahimik who went there in bahag. i told them about my high regard for the artist when my boss blurted out "gi you really like weird people, una you like maverick and ariel and now you like kidlat tahimik?". funny yet true, i find "weird" people interesting.

hr yuppies were once chatting about names that we would give our kids if ever we got one. most of them were opting for unique foreign-sounding names. i said if i would have girl born in june, i would name her aniwai, kalayaan or pilipinas and her nickname would be kalai. and if its a boy, i would name him after things youll find in nature. i also shared that i find the names of manila santos and the de guias interesting. they havent heard about the de guias so some of them thought i was joking and told me to name my kids, kulog, ulan, etc etc

last november 2007, i bought a shiny green maryjanes and wore it to the office almost every day. my friends of course noticed it because, one, its green and two, its not part of the prescribed color and style of shoes for a business setting. some liked it, some im sure found it, again, weird. sabi nga sa kin ni henyo "gi, lumalabas pagka weird mo". then just last august, i bought a yellow shoes so you could just imagine people's reactions. kaya lang masisira na sya. (sad face)

even with people, i find weird people interesting. most of my crushes were more on the "not your usual type of guy" whom girls would think, "ano nagustuhan mo jan?". i think its not the weirdness i see in them but the individuality, the extra dose of talent, their passion for whatever theyre doing and their free spirits.

===========

i was doing an interview with a resigning employee this afternoon who "reignited" my dream of studying abroad. while on the course of sharing his frustrations about his superiors, he mentioned about his passion for learning and teaching. he's a part-time faculty of economic in la salle and took his mba from diliman and his ma in development economics in manila, cross-registered in diliman and took ir 204 under yuzon. i also took the same class under the same professor and found out that well, its such a small world. he also mentioned about his short-term scholarship in nus and i shared about hoysi's scholarship and work there. he was encouraging me to give it a try but i said im still doubting my ability to be a graduate student in a foreign university. baka hindi ko kaya because im not that smart. its just that i love being in school and learning things. and he was telling me that its ok and to start by presenting papers in graduate fora like the one in asian center or in nus to deal with the insecurity issue because its my paper that i would be presenting anyway so i would know more about it than any other person in the audience.

talking about comfort zones. im afraid to try because im afraid of the uncertainties of an alternate future. i remember the same dilemma when i was still in my former job, thinking about resigning or not. salary-wise, i felt ok with whatever i was getting from my former job (only to realize now that i could get a lot more) but principles-wise, i felt like i no longer had any reason to be there.
now, the dilemma is between comfort and uncertainty. i love my company despite its many imperfections and its really hard to leave it. salary-wise, im earning enough although based from the info im getting from my interviewees, i know that i could earn more. ive developed a strong bond of friendship here. and most importantly, im assured of a free ticket yearly. i love it because it gives me a sense of security.
but at the back of my mind, if ive followed this same line of thinking before, then i wouldnt have had the chance of working here. so maybe, i should have the same line of thinking now.

hay...lets see. minsan, duwag lang talaga ako.

para kay frodo

pwede bang tigilan na natin to? tigilan mo na ako. huwag mo na akong tawagan. huwag ka ng magtext. huwag ka ng dumalaw. pwede bang tuluyan ka na lang maglaho sa buhay ko? lalo na kung wala din namang patutunguhan to.

lagi mo kong sinasabihan na hindi ko pa nararanasang masaktan at mabigo. pero nakalimutan mo na ba dati? nung sinaktan at binigo mo ako? matagal din bago kita nakalimutan. mahirap pero kinaya ko. ayokong sabihing naging masaya ako para sa yo. para sa inyo. pero sa maniwala ka't hindi, wala akong inisip at ginustong masama para sa inyo.

tapos nung iniwan ka nya, abot hanggang langit ang galit mo. pakiramdam mo, ginago ka, niloko, kinawawa at kung anu ano pa. hindi ko man inisip pero sumagi sa utak ko, siguro sya karma mo.

tapos ngayon, ngayong maayos na ko. ngayong masaya na ko sa buhay ko, tsaka ka na naman manggugulo. para saan na naman ba ang mga pagtawag tawag mo. ang mga araw araw na text mo. ano na naman ba gusto mo? pwede bang sabihin mo kung ano pakay mo? hindi ako manghuhula na kayang basahin ang nasa pusot isip mo!

kaya ang hiling ko lang, kung wala ka din lang namang sasabihin, eh mabuti pang tigilan mo na ko. ayokong maulit yung dati. ayoko naman talaga dati sa yo eh. nadala lang ako sa kakulitan mo. nasanay lang ako na lagi kang nandyan sa tabi ko. kaya kahit wala kang sinasabi at kahit medyo malabo sa kin kung ano tayo, inamin kong nahuhulog na ko sa yo. at sinabi mo din namang ganun din nararamdaman mo di ba? pero iniwan mo ko.

tapos 4 na taon pagkatapos non, sasabihin mo sa king ako ang unang umiwas? aba, wala na sigurong taong mas lalabo pa sa yo.

kaya ngayon, habang maaga pa, tigilan na natin to. pakiramdam ko kasi, pag nagpatuloy pa tayo, mauulit lang yung dati. kasi lahat ng nangyayari ngayon, katulad din ng noon. kaya sana, bago pa ko mahulog ulit sa yo, lalo na kung wala ka din namang balak magseryoso, tigilan mo na ko.

bonne l'anniversaire

i woke up around 930 am from an interrupted sleep. stayed up late the previous night because of that dinner with j5 peeps. fist woke up at 530am when my alarm went off. had a difficult time going back to sleep since then. plus the fact that my phone was vibrating every now and then because of messages from early well wishers. but i just cant let the opportunity of getting up late pass so i stayed in bed and tried hard to get back to sleep. in vain. until finally, i gave up.

the weather was so gloomy. and it affected me. walang patumanggang ulan. paano ako lalabas nito? celebrating my own birthday has never been my forte and the rain and the clouds and the cold weather added to the challenge.

i wanted to go to binondo and feast on dumplings but just imagining the hassle of going there on a rainy day made me cringe so i ditched the plan. went to the spa instead and had a good massage. had dinner with kuya and the kids after.

thats how my 27th birthday went

*not really in the mood to write*

para kay frodo

pwede bang tigilan na natin to? tigilan mo na ako. huwag mo na akong tawagan. huwag ka ng magtext. huwag ka ng dumalaw. pwede bang tuluyan ka na lang maglaho sa buhay ko? lalo na kung wala din namang patutunguhan to.

lagi mo kong sinasabihan na hindi ko pa nararanasang masaktan at mabigo. pero nakalimutan mo na ba dati? nung sinaktan at binigo mo ako? matagal din bago kita nakalimutan. mahirap pero kinaya ko. ayokong sabihing naging masaya ako para sa yo. para sa inyo. pero sa maniwala ka't hindi, wala akong inisip at ginustong masama para sa inyo.

tapos nung iniwan ka nya, abot hanggang langit ang galit mo. pakiramdam mo, ginago ka, niloko, kinawawa at kung anu ano pa. hindi ko man inisip pero sumagi sa utak ko, siguro sya karma mo.

tapos ngayon, ngayong maayos na ko. ngayong masaya na ko sa buhay ko, tsaka ka na naman manggugulo. para saan na naman ba ang mga pagtawag tawag mo. ang mga araw araw na text mo. ano na naman ba gusto mo? pwede bang sabihin mo kung ano pakay mo? hindi ako manghuhula na kayang basahin ang nasa pusot isip mo!

kaya ang hiling ko lang, kung wala ka din lang namang sasabihin, eh mabuti pang tigilan mo na ko. ayokong maulit yung dati. ayoko naman talaga dati sa yo eh. nadala lang ako sa kakulitan mo. nasanay lang ako na lagi kang nandyan sa tabi ko. kaya kahit wala kang sinasabi at kahit medyo malabo sa kin kung ano tayo, inamin kong nahuhulog na ko sa yo. at sinabi mo din namang ganun din nararamdaman mo di ba? pero iniwan mo ko.

tapos 4 na taon pagkatapos non, sasabihin mo sa king ako ang unang umiwas? aba, wala na sigurong taong mas lalabo pa sa yo.

kaya ngayon, habang maaga pa, tigilan na natin to. pakiramdam ko kasi, pag nagpatuloy pa tayo, mauulit lang yung dati. kasi lahat ng nangyayari ngayon, katulad din ng noon. kaya sana, bago pa ko mahulog ulit sa yo, lalo na kung wala ka din namang balak magseryoso, tigilan mo na ko.